The Great Unknown
by ScarlettLetters
Summary: Edward's life changes in a way he never imagined. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. -MLK, Jr. Eclipse AU
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. All other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.  
**

**~.:*:.~**

**  
Prologue**

**August 2010 - Wabush, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada**

Jasper and I were playing a game of chess when my phone rang. I quickly answered the call thinking it would be Bella or Alice letting us know that they wouldn't be back on time from their trip to Montreal. Earlier, Jasper and I had discussed the possibility that they might decide to stay another night. While the thought of being away from Bella for another day was excruciating, I was comforted by the fact that her control around humans was remarkable for only having been a vampire just over a year. If being back in civilization was something she wanted to enjoy for a little longer, I couldn't deny her that.

"Hello?"

"Edward?"

The masculine voice on the phone had a slight Spanish accent and I immediately recognized it as my friend Eleazar's.

"Eleazar. It is good to hear from you. How are you?"

"I wish I was calling for pure conversational enjoyment, old friend, but I am in dire need of your help."

I saw Jasper stiffen slightly at Eleazar's words as he could hear them over my phone as well as I could.

"Is everything all right? Please, tell me what I can do," I implored.

Eleazar and the rest of the Denali coven were our closest allies and friends and I would do anything I could to help them.

"We have had a development here, Edward. Four months ago, Carmen and I were hunting. We separated briefly and Carmen...well, she had an unfortunate run in with a human. He had killed a bear and while skinning it, he slipped and cut himself."

"Carmen killed a human?" I asked incredulously. Out of the few vampires that chose to live as vegetarians, Carmen's control was the closest to Car..._his_.

"No, not in the sense you mean. I interrupted her before she could drain him completely. Edward, he was turned."

Jasper and I were both taken aback by this news.

"Turned? You have a _newborn_ living with you? He wasn't too far gone? Was he her singer? How did you stop her?" My questions came tumbling out. I was incredulous at the thought of Eleazar being able to stop Carmen while she had been feeding from the man.

"I apologize for the interrogation, Eleazar. I'm just shocked to hear this news."

"It is quite all right, Edward. I knew you would have questions. Yes, he survived the transformation. Carmen doesn't believe he was _il suo cantante_. No, she simply waited too long to hunt and his blood mixed with the bear's was just too much for her to resist... How did I stop her? I have no real idea, to be honest. It was an intense situation, as I'm sure you can imagine. Carmen's shame has been quite severe. Joseph has been unbelievably understanding, but we do have an issue and it is a bit _delicate_."

"Has he killed someone? Has he drawn attention to you?" I asked with urgency. I knew my barrage of questions was rude, but attention was something we couldn't have and the Denali clan was linked very closely with us due to our choice of sustenance. Anything that could bring the Volturi down on their coven could quickly lead to inquiry about our family and I couldn't have that. I felt a wave of relaxation wash over me and I gave Jasper a nod of thanks.

"No, no, nothing like that, my friend. Joseph is a quiet man and has handled himself very well, considering. It's more that he is unable to handle the...ah, _attention_ from the sisters."

The sisters. Tanya, Kate and Irina. The basis for the succubus legend. Jasper let out a small chuckle upon hearing this and I was hard pressed to hold mine in as well.

_Poor bastard don't stand a chance if one of them girls wants him, 'specially as an unstable newborn. Not everyone is as stubborn as you are, Edward.  
_  
I shot Jasper a withering look, but his thoughts were very close to the ones I had upon hearing Eleazar's words. The sisters could be very _insistent_ about their feelings.

"I understand what he's going through, but how can we be of help?"

"Joseph wishes to maintain his current diet and if there was anywhere else I could think of to send him, I would, my friend, as I don't wish to burden you with our troubles. Alas, there are no other situations I know of that could help him refrain from drinking human blood. Is it possible, Edward, that he could come live there with you and your family until he is ready to be on his own?"

Jasper and I both reacted to Eleazar's words.

_A male newborn in our home? I don't know, Edward. We just went through Bella's first year..._

I agreed with Jasper and while Bella's past year hadn't been the worst newborn experience I had ever been a part of, that honor belonged entirely to Emmett, she was still plagued with a fair amount of blood lust at the beginning. After that one unfortunate occurrence early on, she had dedicated herself to overcoming her thirst and I was proud to say my wife had done an excellent job.

"Eleazar...I..."

"Edward, he's a decent being. Carmen is devastated that she has done this to him and has even contemplated us leaving the sisters to take him away, but he won't hear of us leaving our home for him. He says he'll try living on his own first. We both know that situation isn't the best solution for any of us."

I let out a frustrated sigh as I did know firsthand how being alone and existing solely on animals was hard to do. For a newborn that would be impossible. I could only imagine what Carmen was going through and Eleazar was right, there was no way they could release a newborn on his own. The kind of attention that could draw would potentially be dangerous to all of us.

"Edward, I know it is a lot to ask of you and your family. I wouldn't impose on you if it wasn't absolutely necessary. I hope you understand that."

"I know, Eleazar. I do. I will speak to my family and let you know."

"That is all I can ask. Thank you, my friend. I'll wait to hear from you."

I ended my call and Jasper and I exchanged knowing glances. A male newborn. Not the most pleasant of situations.

"You sure about this, Edward? A newborn we know nothing about. A male at that. Bella was not typical and–"

"They are our friends," I cut him off. "You know that's what–" I heard my voice catch and cleared the non-existent blockage from my throat and continued. "We should at least discuss it with the family."

I looked into my brother's bright golden eyes. I knew he could feel all of my conflicting emotions at the moment. I implored him to understand my position.

_You're right, Edward. Of course. With the family._

**~.:*:.~  
**

**This story is dedicated to wolvesandvamps, who so graciously donated to the Support Stacie auction in my name. Her prompt was wonderfully thought out and creative and I'm honored she thought enough of me to allow me to write this for her (and you). Her amazing understanding at the disgusting amount of time it has taken me to get this out is much appreciated.**

**Thank you jmeyer for being my amazing beta. Thanks also go out to Melissa228, EsmeM48, and rands for their feedback on the outline. I'm eternally grateful to philadelphic, windycitywonder, and annanabanana for their pre-reading and suggestions along the way, and to Algie for supplying the inspiration for the title.**

**This is an AU story entirely in EPOV and will diverge from canon just after the newborn fight in Eclipse.  
**

**Thank you for reading. **


	2. The Clearing

**A/N: **Warning - major character death** The premise of this story revolves around growth from tragedy. Great care and consideration was given by the creator of the prompt, as well as the author, to deal with this in a creative and constructive way. **

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. All other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**~.:*:.~**

**December 2010 - Wabush, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada**

I twirled the Visconti fountain pen between my fingers. I was procrastinating. I flipped to the first blank page, uncapped the pen and wrote down the date.

_**December 25th, 2010**_

I set down my pen and closed the leather bound journal my lovely wife had given me this very morning. I ran my fingers along the beautifully hand-tooled crest that adorned the cover. Even with the untold wealth we had at our disposal and the things it would allow us to purchase, I could think of nothing that would surpass the meaning of this simple leather journal with my father's family crest on it. I recalled Bella's words to me when I opened it.  
_  
It's time, my love. Tell him your thoughts._

I knew her majoring in psychology would come back to bite me at some point. Today was that day it seemed.

_Just start at the beginning and tell him everything._

Start at the beginning. Tell him everything. Her words sounded so simple, but in truth I hadn't allowed myself to think about "the beginning" in years. I had successfully stored those memories away, and if I had my druthers they'd stay packed in the dank recesses of my mind for the rest of eternity. I had never been happier in my entire existence, yet as my wife pointed out to me on several occasions, I had fallen into occasional guilt fueled spirals of depression that not only crippled me, but my brother Jasper as well. This journal was Bella's way of saying "deal with this now." Reluctantly drawing on memories of my father and how he listened to Esme when she would use the same tone I knew better than to ignore her suggestion.

I picked up the pen and began again.

_**Merry Christmas, Carlisle.**_

_**Alice has made the house into a veritable picture post card. One can hardly step a foot in any direction without running into a bough, bow, or bauble of some sort. This time of year makes me think of you even more than usual. It was one you always took great joy in. I try to take enjoyment now in recalling your memories of Christmases past. Your choice of apparel being most laughable. You always were too lenient with Alice and Esme when it came to letting them buy you clothes. I do try, in vain at times, to think on the happy times of your life that you shared with me and the other members of our family. Though when I recall the time you spent alone, before I was your son, I find I must push past the pain contained in those memories. I focus rather on the fact that you endured what I would deem unsurvivable. This makes me respect you all the more and challenges me to live up to the example you have set. The past few years have been something I never would have believed I would be able to survive. I still don't know how I managed it. I hope that you would be proud of the man I've tried to become through it all.  
**_  
Setting the pen down again I let my head fall into my hands. I was sure a holiday letter wasn't what Bella had in mind for this little exercise.

She said to start at the beginning.

To tell him everything.

The beginning... I loathed to go back there, but logically I knew there was no other place to start. I took up the pen and opened the journal to the next blank page.

**~.:*:.~**

**June 15, 2006 - Forks, WA**

I watched as Seth gathered up the last of the various pieces of Riley with his mouth and carried them to the pile already burning with Victoria's remains. I tried to hide my amusement at the enthusiasm my young friend displayed at having literally torn our enemy apart, but his exuberant thoughts on his first kill were hard to ignore. I let a smile break across my face at the sound of Seth's snicker and held my clenched fist out toward him. He raised his hackles to "grin" at me and nudged my hand with his paw in an odd version of a mythical creature "high-five."

I began to speak when screams from two directions suddenly filled my head. Seth turned immediately toward one set and whimpered, while I was pummeled with sounds and thoughts from my family at the clearing that I couldn't believe.

"NO! NO! That's not possible!" I shouted as anger and fury filled me. I turned to run to my family's aid, but before I could leave another thought stopped me in my tracks: Bella.

I ran to her side and reached out for her.

"Edward...," she started.

"Bella, we must get to the clearing. We have to hurry," I exclaimed, "something went wrong. Seth, go home! They will need you there. Go! Now!" I ordered him. My family and I had asked enough of him and his pack. He should be back on the reservation to be with Jacob. _Stupid Jake_. I had no time to worry about him now though.

Not giving either of them time to question me, I grabbed Bella and threw her up onto my back. I ran faster than I had ever run with her before, all the while knowing it was too late. _I _was too late. There was nothing I could do now.

"Edward," she gasped as she tried to catch her breath, "what is it? What happened?"

A second before we entered the clearing I stopped and removed Bella from my back. I stood in front of her and held her face between my hands.

"Please, Bella," I begged, "please stay right next to me."

"Edward, you're scaring me. Please just tell me what happened."

"Bella..." I said, trying to choose my next words to her carefully, but before I could say anything she moved her head to peer around me. "No! Don't look–"

My words were too late as Bella wrenched herself from my grasp and stepped around me to look upon the clearing. It only took a moment as the understanding of what had happened dawned on her and she screamed out in terror and grief. She covered her face as tears I wished I could cry myself fell through her fingers.

"Bella...," I whispered, trying to contain the maelstrom of thoughts and emotions flooding my system.

She sank to the ground and continued to sob. I crouched down to console her and picked her up, bringing her tight against my body. She threw her arms around my neck and continued crying. I could feel the warm trickle of her tears as they soaked my shirt.

"I'll never forgive myself," she wailed.

"No, Bella. No, you're not to blame," I whispered into her hair. I wanted nothing more than to lose myself in providing comfort to my beloved but I knew that I must face what lay just beyond us.

Frantic thoughts from my family were bombarding my mind as the cacophony of sounds they also emitted pummeled my ears. I wanted to join them, but ensuring Bella's emotional and physical safety were paramount now and truly, there was nothing I could do to change what had happened.

Bella's sobs continued to wrack her body. I whispered to her to keep her eyes closed. Once I was sure they were and her was face tucked safely into my neck I stood and turned to look upon the clearing myself.

Jasper was throwing the last bits of a female newborn into blazing purple flames of a fire while yelling expletives at the top of his lungs. Alice was standing next to him with her head down crying invisible tears as she reached out toward him, sharing in his agony with her own cries of grief. Agony we all felt of our own volition, but magnified exponentially by his talent. I let my eyes travel to take in the sight I had already been privy to through my families thoughts, but seeing a distraught Rosalie and Emmett holding an inconsolable Esme for myself was something I was ill prepared for. My mother's head was thrown back in a silent scream as she clutched my father's now headless, twitching body in her lap.

I felt non-existent bile rise in my long dead stomach as the image before me solidified itself in my mind.

My father...

My oldest friend...

My creator...

was gone.

I knew only mere seconds had passed since Bella and I had entered the clearing, but it felt like I had been in the middle of this macabre scene for hours. My shock and grief at what I was seeing were staggering as I allowed myself to fall forward to my knees, still clutching a weeping Bella. I felt the desire to descend into madness at the thought of what my family's existence meant now. Our magnetic North was no longer. We were adrift. How would we survive without him? All was lost. We would never recover–

_Edward!_

Alice's desperate thought broke through the fog that was encompassing my mind.

I turned abruptly at the sound of my name. I looked up to see Alice standing with her arms around a now quiet Jasper as he faced the flames licking at the smoldering pieces of the newborn. I locked eyes with Alice and was filled with the images of all of our deaths in this very clearing at the hands of the Volturi and Bella, my precious Bella, being drained by a grinning Felix. I recoiled at the vision.

_Edward, we need you now. Now more than ever._

Her thought was calm and precise, and it helped pull me back to reality. The vision was a result of my thoughts of despair. I shook off the weight of that potential future as I tried to assess the insanity before me. I couldn't let my family perish. I had to be strong and get us all through the rest of this day. I had to protect Carlisle's family.

At the moment I made that decision, another vision filled my mind, one of the guard leaving the clearing as we all huddled around Esme and Carlisle's body. I let out a sigh of relief.

_Things can still change, Edward. I can't see anything beyond that. _

"I know, Alice, but at least we've avoided...," I said, shaking the horrible thought of our certain deaths from my mind. I met the distraught eyes of my sister and then looked back over at my mother. Bella continued to sob in my arms, and before I was able to move us next to my mother, my brother's voice rooted me to the ground.

"It's my fault," Jasper said dejectedly.

_I turned away. You never turn your back on a newborn and I turned away. She... she just moved so damn fast. It's my fault he's gone. All mine. I knew better...Christ! I knew better! Never turn your back..._

Jasper's thoughts were replaying the minutes before my arrival in the clearing.

_"You can't be serious? Allow her to surrender? She must be killed, Carlisle! It's our only option."_

_"Jasper... son, she's a child. Younger than our own Bella. She was never given the chance to do the right thing. If she surrenders we will not harm her," Carlisle said, his voice filled with compassion and resolve._

_"This is a war, Carlisle. A war! You cannot compare her to Bella. This _vampire_ is not an innocent in all of this. She is no better than a rabid dog. She must be destroyed!"_

Jasper turned away from Carlisle in frustration, and that is when the screams rang out in his thoughts.

It was Emmett's thoughts that filled in the next sequence in the horrific events. I cried out at the moment I saw the newborn's teeth cut through Carlisle's skin and she pulled his head from his neck. Emmett rushed toward her, but before he could reach her, she had thrown Carlisle's severed head into the already burning pile of vampire remains next to her. Emmett watched in horror as our father's shocked face was lost in the purple smoke and flame. A gasp from Alice tore me from the agony of the memory and the rage currently filling Emmett's mind.  
_  
They'll be here soon, Edward. _

I nodded to let Alice know I understood her. I quickly stood, bringing Bella up with me, and walked over to where the rest of my family was.

Bella let out a whimper when she realized where we were.

"Everything will be alright," I whispered into her ear. "Just keep your eyes closed, Bella."

"I...I'll be okay," she whispered back.

"You don't have to be brave right now, Bella. Let me take care of you."

"I'm not the one who needs your care, Edward. Esme does. We all need to be here for Esme."

Bella pushed away from me gently to signal she wanted to be put down. My emotions were warring over her show of strength. In fear I wanted to grab her up and run away, taking the two of us somewhere we'd never be found, but my pride in her love for my family kept my feet firmly planted. Would she never cease to amaze me?

I placed a kiss on her temple and looked over to Emmett and Rose. I looked into my brother's and then my sister's eyes and gestured to Bella. They both nodded to me, so I quickly released her into their care. She hurried to them and they wrapped her protectively between them while each still having a hand on Esme.

"The Volturi are on their way," I said as calmly as I could. "Will you both please keep Bella safe?"

I needed to know Bella would be protected while I dealt with the Volturi. I didn't think having her out front with me, with her still beating heart, would be the smartest move.

"Of course, brother," Emmett said, bending down to place a kiss on the top of Bella's head. His eyes met mine. _She's my little sister, Edward. You don't have to worry._

I nodded my head in thanks and saw Bella turn to reach out and wrap her arms around Esme. As she did, she broke into a fresh round of tears. Esme didn't react at all to Bella's touch. Her mind was filled with thoughts of denial.

I quickly knelt in front of her, grabbing her face between my hands.

"Esme."

She shook her head violently back and forth as she continued to clutch my father's body against her. The only thought in her mind was the word "no" repeated over and over again.

"You must listen to me now, Mother," I said with an authority I didn't feel I had the right to possess.

She reacted to my calling her that endearment, even if my tone was demanding. She lowered her eyes to meet mine and I saw only emptiness. My mother of almost eighty-five years was not there anymore. If I was going to get us all out of this situation I needed her to be calm. I didn't want to give the Volturi any reason to question her ability to function, yet I had no words for her that could help. I knew nothing I could say at this moment would bring her any comfort, so I turned to my brother and sister.

"Emmett. Rosalie," I met their grieving golden eyes and held them in mine, hoping I communicated the depth of my own grief, but knowing that we had only a few minutes before this could take a turn for the worse. "Take Esme and Bella home. They don't need to be here when the Volturi arrive."

Rose began to stand, but Emmett put his hand on her arm.

"Edward, I should be here. If there is a fight–"

"No!" Rosalie interrupted, her face contorted in fear. "No, Emmett, I can't lose you too."

She sank back down to his side._ Not Emmett, never Emmett. Anyone else, but never him. Oh..._

Rosalie gasped at her thoughts and the fact that she knew I was listening.

"Rosie, you're not going to lose me. I–"

"How can you say that to me? Carlisle is..." she sobbed a few times before continuing. "Carlisle is dead and I am pretty sure he didn't plan on that."

"Rosalie!" I hissed. "I know you are a selfish creature, but your insensitivity at a moment like this astounds me."

"What Edward? It's true. You're telling us the Volturi are on their way here and who knows what they are going to do. I don't particularly want to lose my husband and my father on the same day."

I felt a growl bubble up from my gut at the disgust I was feeling toward my sister.

"Easy there, Ed," Emmett warned in response.

"Fine. You can stay, but I need you to keep Esme calm and under control and promise me you won't let anyone near Bella," I said only to him before turning to see the cloaked figures slowly entering the far end of the clearing. I knew I'd have to deal with Rosalie's wrath, but that could be done later, after I had gotten us out of this mess.

"I promise, Edward. Rose and I will protect them both."

His inclusion of Rosalie wasn't lost on me. I was being just as much of an ass as she was. I looked at her and nodded and then looked back to Emmett. I quickly leaned over to Bella and wrapped her in my arms.

"Stay between Rosalie and Emmett, Bella. If anything happens, they will get you out of here."

I looked up as Rosalie placed a protective hand on Bella's shoulder.

_I'll protect her, Edward. _

"Thank you," I whispered to my sister.

I quickly moved to the center of the clearing to meet the five vampires drawing near. I recognized the small figure leading the four others as Jane. Fantastic. I hoped she wasn't feeling malevolent today. I couldn't pick up much from any of them. That fact made me all the more nervous.

"Alice, Jasper, I need you. Stand with me."

Alice tugged on Jasper's hand and he turned from the rising smoke of the fire to follow her to my side.

_Edward, there is still too much undecided. I can't see anything. _

I nodded to let Alice know I understood. My irritation at the guards' preparation for Alice's and my talent grew.

Jasper's mind was still filled with thoughts of blame and regret. I needed his full attention on the vampires approaching us as his talents were needed if we were going to survive the day.

"I need you to focus, Jasper. It's not over yet."

He raised his eyes to mine and then he quickly assessed the Volturi guard and realized that in our current state we were vastly out numbered. He began sending out some calming waves hoping to keep the situation from escalating. I whispered my thanks to him.

_They don't feel particularly aggressive, brother, but it can't hurt._

They came to a stop in front of us. Jane took her time looking around and guarded her thoughts carefully. She was not, however, able to hold back her surprise when she noticed that one of us had been decapitated. She did a quick scan and deduced that Carlisle was the unfortunate one.

"You've suffered a loss it seems," she stated coldly.

"Yes, a significant one," I answered.

"Aro will be deeply saddened to hear of this. I know his fondness for Carlisle is... _was_ great."

At the mention of Carlisle's name Esme began wailing in earnest. Jane raised her lip in displeasure at the outburst and it took everything I had not to growl in her direction.

_Not the time, Edward. She's pissed she missed out on some action, don't give her reason to zap you. I'll keep calming everyone down, but don't make it any harder on me than it already is._

Heeding Jasper's words, I tried to regain my composure.

"I see you've taken care of _things_...pity we couldn't have been of help. Care to enlighten me on how all of _this_," she gestured to the piles of ashes around us, "occurred?"

I tried in vain to access her thoughts, but she was focusing entirely on the moment at hand. Absolutely no errant thoughts were getting through.  
_  
You picking anything up from her, Edward, 'cuz she's feeling guilty about something. I'm going to go ahead and take your frustration as a no._

"We fought against an army of newborns led by an insane vampire bent on revenge."

"An _army_?" Jane laughed. "What do you mean? We knew nothing of an army. We were under the impression there were at most only a few vampires wreaking havoc in Seattle."

I quickly told her about Victoria and Riley and how they turned almost twenty newborns loose on our family. She was shocked at the number of newborns that Victoria had created.

"_Twenty newborns_? The seven, now six, of you, managed to kill _twenty_ newborns? I'm finding all of this very hard to believe," she said, her eyes narrowed and locked on mine.

_What are you hiding, Edward? _

No matter the tragedy that had befallen our family, I would not betray the pack. We would have suffered more losses had they not helped us. I continue to stare at her, not bothering to acknowledge I heard her silent question.

Her eyes left me and traveled again over the clearing, finally settling on Bella. I saw her narrow her gaze further and I prepared to place myself between them. Before I could, Esme scrambled from where she had been holding Carlisle's body to kneeling prostrate in front of Jane, her hand clutching to the bottom of Jane's cloak.

"Please," Esme begged. "Please, end my existence! End my suffering!"

The collective shouts of surprise from my brothers, sisters and I put the Volturi guard on alert. They crouched down in an attack stance that we then mirrored. I could tell Jasper was trying to control the situation but still be ready in case we were attacked. He was quickly overpowered by the aggression being released from both sides and I could feel the tension in the clearing rise substantially. I watched as Jane slowly moved her head to look down at my mother. She then raised her eyes to me as an evil grin broke across her face. I recoiled as her icy voice filled my head.

_Your mommy wants me to kill her, Edward. Looks like she took a page from _your_ melodramatic book. You _vegetarians_ and your emotional attachments. Tell your coven to stand down immediately. Taking an aggressive stance against the guard is a fool's move. You're all lucky I'm so thoughtful and understanding of your loss._

I could tell she was reveling in our pain and wanted nothing more than to tear us all to bits for our outburst, but her mind flashed to Aro's face. Her fear of him was the only thing keeping her in line. I could hear the other guards thoughts as they were waiting for instructions from Jane.

I knew that we had no reason to assume Jane would grant Esme's request, and while I was vehemently opposed to the idea of it, I couldn't fault Esme for not wanting to continue to exist without her mate. The hours I believed Bella to be dead were undoubtedly the worst of my life, ashamedly, including even now. I decided to heed the little demon's advice.

"Everyone calm down," I instructed. My words did nothing to change the stance of my family members. Their thoughts were less than pleasant.

"I said back down now!" I commanded.

My demeanor shocked everyone as their eyes flicked toward me.

"Now!" I bellowed.

I saw Alice and then Emmett relax. I glared at Rose, and though her thoughts were laced with filthy language directed at me, she straightened up and turned to stand in front of Bella who was staring at all of us with wide eyes. I felt terrible for her having to witness the monstrous ways of my kind. This further proof that we were devils in the presence of an angel.

Jasper remained crouched low and growls intermittently escaped his clenched teeth. I turned to face him and reached out a hand, placing it on his shoulder. He flinched at my touch.

"Jasper. Please, I need you to stand down."

_I don't trust them, Edward. She wants to rip Esme apart. I can feel her joy at the thought. _

"She won't do it. She knows the price she would pay," I said, glancing over my shoulder at where Jane stood, Esme still bowed at her feet. I wanted her to know I knew her fears.

_Shall I use other forms of persuasion, Edward? Control him, or I will._

I watched as Jane's fingers stretched out and I knew she was seconds away from unleashing her fury on Jasper.

"No!" I hissed to her, clearly remembering her brand of torture. "Jasper, look at me."

Jasper finally flicked his eyes to mine as I willed him to relax his stance. He reluctantly rose and took a step back. Alice rushed to his side and clung to him. He wrapped a protective arm around her and continued to step a few paces backwards.

I turned to Jane and noticed her smug expression had returned.

"Very well," she said, stepping back and snatching her cloak away from Esme as if she were filth. "We are returning to Italy to give a _full_ report," she sneered, her eyes casting a glance at Bella in all of her human frailty. "I will leave nothing out."

"We have not forgotten our promise, Jane," I said as calmly as I could. Bella was not yet safe with these demons in her presence and I needed them to leave quickly before anything else could happen.

"You'll clean up the rest of the mess, won't you?" she said, waiving her hand dismissively over the piles of burnt ashes that were scattered around the clearning. "We'd hate to have humans stumble upon it and start asking questions."

I nodded my head in agreement.

"And what of your leader? What will you do about that."

"I believe that is our concern. The Volturi need not worry. We'll...figure something out."

"It seems we are no longer needed here then. You have our _condolences_," Jane rolled her eyes in my direction and in a swirl of gray and black she and the other guards sped from the clearing.

I rushed to a now sobbing Esme and gathered her in my arms. Her vacant eyes looked up into my face and the desperation of her thoughts almost succeeded in knocking me flat.

_Why did you stop her, Edward? What do I have to exist for now that my love is no longer with me?_

I looked into the face of my mother and could find no words to answer her. The hypocrisy of the situation was not lost on me. The only thing I could do was pull her tighter to my body as the rest of my family, including my dearest Bella, gathered next to us and embraced us.

Meeting Bella's gaze and taking in her dirty, tear stained face, I reached out a hand to draw her into me. Fresh sobs broke from her lips as she clung to me.

"Shh, my love."

"Edward," she whispered. "What do we do now?"

I let my eyes rest on the now still body of my father and honestly didn't know how to answer.

**A/N: Thank you for reading. Chapter two will be posted next week.**


	3. Wreckage

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. All other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**~.:*:.~  
**

**December 26, 2010**

**Dear Father,**

**At times, I treasure our kind's ability for perfect recall. There have been memories over these past handful of years that I turn to time and time again to enjoy and savor, and then there are others I long to have struck from my mind permanently. The hours after we removed your body from the clearing are at the top of that particular list. I can still feel the overwhelming grief that poured from all of us, just as I can smell the sickly sweet scent of your remains as they burned into ash. Even now, over fifteen hundred days later, when I allow myself, it feels like I was standing in front of your pyre only moments ago. I was so bereft. I still am at times, if I'm being entirely honest, and I am fairly certain that Bella's intent with giving me this journal was for me to be truthful with myself. So, in accordance with her wish for full disclosure, I'm ashamed to say my desire to run away with Bella in those first hours after your "death" was always at the forefront of my mind. I know my thoughts were not hidden from Alice nor my feelings of desperation from Jasper. Their need to remove themselves from Forks was one I understood completely and was, in fact, quite jealous of. My intentions would vacillate by the minute, but ultimately it was the memory of your dedication to our family that kept me there to ensure our future safety. I decided to be _your_ son, Father. The son you made me into. I have tried to live by your example even when faced with impossible situations.**

**~.:*:.~ **

**June 15, 2006 - Forks, WA**

"You bastard!"

Rosalie's outburst wasn't unexpected. Her thoughts had been bordering on murderous since we had gotten back to the house. When I instructed Emmett how we would build the structure we would use to burn Carlisle's corpse, I fully expected her to throw me upon it instead.

"It's what has to be done, Rosalie."

"His ashes aren't even cold yet! Have you no decency, no respect?"

"Do not question my decency or my respect! He was _my_ father!" I shouted.

I turned from her and strode to the windows. I was frustrated with myself for losing it with Rosalie, but I had little to no ability left to placate her at the moment. I looked into the black of the night but could clearly see everything hidden in the dark. The faint glow from the pile of ash that had once been my father, my sire, lay before me, fading and dying. I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. I knew the family was in a very precarious position, and we had to act quickly. Alice and Jasper had removed themselves from the house due to the enormity of the situation and the depths of emotions that were weighing down on us all. I knew that Alice would call if something I decided would put us in danger of being exposed, but I hadn't heard from her in the hour since their departure so we would move ahead with my plan.

"Rose, babe, Edward has a point. We have to do this now before anyone can get suspicious."

I turned to Emmett, who was standing next to an irate Rosalie stroking her shoulder. He had been strangely quiet for most of the day. While I was doing my best to stay out of everyone's thoughts, when I had heard his, they were focused on Rosalie. He was right to be concerned about her. My sister was perilously close to falling completely apart.

"Rose..." I hoped using her shortened name would show her it wasn't my desire to be callous; I wasn't trying to be hurtful or malicious. I had to set aside my anger that she was even having these horrible thoughts toward me, and being able to access her more prevalent thoughts of absolute despair was the only thing that made that possible.  
_  
It's none of their business, Edward. What the humans think doesn't matter. We don't _have_ to do this, we can just leave like before._

I looked into her eyes as her next thought speared me.

_You might not like this fact, Edward, but he was my father too._

She fled from the room in a flash, and the resulting slam of her bedroom door shook the house.

I felt Emmett's hand grasp my shoulder as he moved to my side and was surprised when he spoke rather than letting me hear his thoughts.

"Give her some time, bro. She's hurting real bad."

I looked into my younger, yet older brother's face. By all rights, he or Jasper should be making the decisions for what we do next by right of their human age, yet somehow I fell into the role of quasi leader. I knew Jasper was practically incapacitated with the crippling emotions emitting from all of us, as well as his own guilt, and that his ability was intensifying the horror we all felt. He was in no shape to act on anything. His and Alice's leaving was the only logical remedy, but Emmett was several years older than I was in human years. Even so, he had instantly began to defer to my wishes upon my entering the clearing.

"I'll do it. I know what to do. I'll leave now and be back before they can find the wreckage."

I realized he was speaking his intentions to me so that Rosalie could hear him. As he finished several loud bangs and shrieks of rage from her room were heard.

"Thank you, Emmett," I said, as I placed my hand on my brother's shoulder to return his offered gesture of comfort. I was grateful for his help.

He nodded in acknowledgment and then walked to where Esme and Bella, still clinging to my mother's frozen form, were sitting. Kneeling down, Emmett wrapped them both in his giant arms. Emmett kissed Esme on the cheek, telling her he would be back soon. He exited the house to the garage, and after a few moments, I heard the engine to Carlisle's Mercedes start. Emmett was soon driving the vehicle down the drive and speeding off to where "Carlisle Cullen" would meet his end.

I turned from them and thought about what was to come. I knew our actions during the next few hours were crucial for our continued existence. I had contacted Sam soon after we placed Carlisle on the pyre and informed him of what had happened. He offered the pack's condolences and filled me in on Jacob's injuries. Sam and I were both worried at his healing at an accelerated pace and Sam could see deformities already in how the bones were setting. After explaining how we were going to stage Carlisle's "death", I agreed to come attend to Jacob as soon as was feasible. The elation I felt at the thought of breaking that dog's bones was a small reprieve to the heavy weight of all consuming grief.

I moved at vampire speed to sit next to Bella and heard her gasp at my unexpected presence.

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to startle you."

"No, it's okay, Edward. I'm just a bit jumpy. So Emmett's going to..."

I looked into her deep pools of brown and saw her questioning gaze.

"Yes, he's going to stage an accident."

"What about...um, how will they know that Carlisle's 'dead'? Will there be, you know, some sort of proof or something?"

I inhaled sharply at her words and let the burn of her scent punish me for the deed Emmett was about to commit on my behalf. We had many quick escapes in our time together as a family, but had yet to stage one of our own deaths. We had planned for things of this nature though, what we would do if one of us had slipped up horrifically or otherwise been found out and we needed a death to "erase" our tracks. I hesitated to inform Bella of how we would pull off such a feat. I figured she'd had enough sorrow for one day, but if she was truly going to be my partner, I knew I needed to show my trust in her and share this with her.

"The assumption will be that the body was swept out to sea."

I saw her eyes widen and she nodded for me to continue.

"Emmett is going to drive down the coast and crash the car over the cliffs, love. There will be no body, but it will be enough for the authorities to declare it a fatal accident after a time."

I heard Esme whimper at my words and tried to ignore the barrage of grieving thoughts from she and Rosalie both.

"Okay, that's, um, all understandable, but can I ask another question? I don't mean to make you feel like I'm not with you on this, but why do we have to have everyone think he's dead? Can't we all just leave? You, um, did it before," she said, her voice trailing off nervously.

Her words were like knives in my already wounded heart, but I knew she wasn't trying to be cruel.

_Even your silly little human thinks you're wrong, Edward. _

"Careful, Rosalie. I'm beginning to lose my patience with you," I hissed too fast for Bella to comprehend.

I focused back on Bella, who gathered something had just transpired by the look on her face. I smiled at her and brushed my thumb over her cheek. I gestured with my head letting her know that Rose was still continuing with her mental assault from upstairs.

"She's upset like the rest of us, Edward. Like Emmett said, give her some time," Bella said as she leaned into my touch. "You were, um, going to tell me why everyone has to think Carlisle is dead."

"Yes, of course. Sorry. I...I decided that ending his 'human life' was the most appropriate thing to do. It would be far too suspect for our family to disappear again so soon after our return to Forks, and in all honesty, it has a lot to do with you, Bella."

"Me?!"

"Yes, love. With you and I attending Dartmouth, your family will be present in our lives. Explaining a continued absence would be impossible. Alice confirms all of this, but I think it is the best thing for everyone involved."

"You think it's best? _YOU_ THINK IT'S BEST?!" Rosalie bellowed from the top of the stairs. In a blink she was standing before me, her face contorted in rage.

"Who the hell put you in charge anyway? What gives you the right to decide any of this?! You think that you can just step in and start telling us all what to do like some damn heir apparent? I won't be moved around like a pawn in some silly game so you and your _girlfriend_ can have some picture perfect little college experience! You thought that we'd all just go on like nothing has happened? You callous bastard! You're not our leader! You're not Carlisle, and you'll never be! I despise you!"

In a blur, Esme was standing in front of her and delivered a blow across Rosalie's face.

"Don't you dare speak to my son that way!" she shouted.

We all froze. What happened next was like a scene from one of those Lifetime movies Alice was so fond of. Esme collapsed to the couch, wailing in shame at what she had done as Rosalie fled from the room and returned in no time with several bags. She stormed out of the house, her thoughts revealing nothing as to her intentions, as she pulled out of the drive in her BMW at an alarming rate of speed.

_I hope you and Bella burn in hell for this, Edward. _

Rosalie's parting thought was full of ferocity. I felt my own murderous rage boil to the surface in response to her ill will toward Bella, and thought about ending Rosalie's life for a split second, but set it aside, as her feelings toward me were entirely understandable.

I began pacing. As I neared the far wall, I punched through it in anger. Sighing, I hung my head in defeat and disgust at my outburst. Resigned, I finally spoke.

"I should go after her. This was my fault. I pushed–"

_No, Edward. Let her go._

I turned to Esme. Bella had returned to her side on the couch, and they were both wrapped protectively around each other.

"Esme..."

_Let them go. Rosalie needs some time. We will give it to her._

My phone rang. I knew without looking it would be Alice.

"There is nothing you can do," Alice's emotionless voice informed me before I had a chance to greet her. "She will pick up Emmett just as he finishes with the car. They'll head to Denali. At least we know they will be safe. That's all I have."

"Thank you, Alice."

I knew Esme had heard Alice, but I quickly told Bella that Rosalie and Emmett would be staying with Tanya and her family. A relieved, yet pained look crossed her face.

"Alice, we need you here. When the car is discovered, we will need it to look like we were home being a normal family after the camping trip Charlie believes we were on."

"We can't do that, Edward. Anytime I've looked at us coming back, it doesn't...go well."

"Do you care to elaborate on that?" I said through gritted teeth.

I was entirely frustrated with this situation, and my tone made my feelings known. Not being able to see Alice's visions, while a reprieve in one sense, was completely debilitating in another. I hated this feeling of instability during such uncertain times. We hadn't heard the last from the Volturi, I was sure of that. I knew the timing of the staged accident needed to be flawless to not have Charlie and the other authorities become suspicious.

"Edward, just trust me on this. Jasper and I need to stay away, but that means Bella has to go home. Charlie won't be showing up until two thirty-seven tomorrow morning. You'll have time to take Bella home. Charlie will have Bella with him. Explain that we went into Seattle for a concert. He won't question it, he'll be too focused on Esme."

"This is beginning to border on the ridiculous, Alice. Maybe I made a mistake–"

"This works, Edward. It does. I know it seems impossible to do right now, but you need to relax."

A few moments of silence passed as I mulled over possible scenarios for our family's future before I decided on the one I wanted most. I heard Alice let out a sigh.

"That will be best for everyone, Edward," she said with relief. "I know it's not ideal, but I'm glad you understand. We will stay in touch, I promise. It's just the way it has to be for now. Can I please speak with Esme?"

I handed the phone to my mother as I reached my hand out to Bella. She stood and followed me as I pulled her up to embrace.

"What's happening, Edward? I'm so confused, so much has happened in only a few hours, but it feels like days. I'm worried about your family, but also about Jake. Are you sure he'll be alright? I just have so many questions..."

She sounded utterly spent.

"I'll explain everything, my love, and yes, Jacob will be fine. I promise. Please, I need to take you home. You need to rest."

"Edward-"

"Bella, I will answer all your questions, but you are exhausted. You need to be home when your father gets the call about the accident."

I saw her swallow her further questions as she realized Charlie would be the one to inform us and slowly turned to look at my mother.

"Esme shouldn't be alone, Edward. I can drive myself."

"Bella..."

"Edward. She's your mother. You should stay with her. I will be fine. I promise."

I ran my hands angrily through my hair and resisted the urge to bellow at my frustration. I didn't want Bella to go, but I knew leaving Esme on her own was inadvisable.

"You're right. I'll stay with her, if you don't mind."

"No, of course. I completely understand," she said, her arms wrapped around her tightly.

"Charlie is going to bring you back with him after he receives the call. You need to continue this charade for only a bit longer, Bella. I am so sorry."

She shook her head and wiped at a fresh trail of tears. "I'm the one that is sorry, Edward. I mean...he was your father. I'm just so sorry."

Bella broke down into sobs again.

I didn't know what to say to her. Carlisle's loss would forever alter me, just like it would Esme and the rest of my siblings, but having such a conversation right now was not something I wished to do. I was becoming more and more worried about Bella's mental state though.

"Bella...are you sure you are okay with all of this? I hate that I'm putting you in the position to lie to Charlie once again."

"No, Edward!" she plead. "Please let me do this. We're together, right? I promise, I will be fine with my dad."

I gazed down into her red-rimmed eyes and pulled her close to me. I would never cease to be confused as to why a creature such as Bella would want anything to do with me, but for whatever reason, she was; and greedy bastard that I was, I never wanted to be apart from her again. I kissed her gently and hugged her to me.

"We have time to talk about everything later, love. Right now you must return home and act like everything is fine."

Bella nodded and walked over to Esme and hugged her. She whispered her condolences again and said she would be back soon. Esme didn't react.

I watched as Bella drove down the drive and had to restrain myself from running after her. I knew that she had to be home when Charlie arrived home in order for our plan to be successful, but the thought of even spending a few hours apart from Bella was almost more than I could withstand. I told myself soon we would have all the time in the world and we just had to get through this. I dreaded what I had to do next.

I closed the door and turned to see Esme sitting in the the same position on the couch. I crossed the room and sat next to her, placing my hand gently on her shoulder.

_She'll never forgive me, Edward. I don't know why I did that. _

"She will. Rosalie will forgive you in time, and as to why...well, grief makes us do things we normally wouldn't."

Esme turned to look at me, and I knew she understood I wasn't talking solely about her striking Rosalie. While she looked like herself, there was an emptiness now that I knew would never be filled. I hesitated to offer her an escape. While I had been selfish enough to want to end my own tortured existence when I thought Bella was dead, it was that same selfishness that refused to lose another parent today. I hated to do what had to be done next, but the reality of our predicament could not be ignored. My plan for Carlisle Cullen's demise was in motion and could not be stopped even for our grief. I pulled Esme up from the couch and walked to the mantle to gather an ornate ginger jar. We had one more task to complete today.

Esme began a low keening sound as she understood what we were going to do. We walked to the pile of ashes that had once been the man we both loved. I started to hand her the jar but she shook her head. She instead bent down and gathered up a handful of ash. I nodded in understanding, Esme needed to do this herself. I removed the lid of the jar so she could pour them in. Esme moved at a human pace, slowly scooping in handfuls of ash. Her thoughts were filled with memories of Carlisle, some were of our entire family and other were more private in nature. I cursed my ability as I tried to focus on the sounds of the forest around us. I continued to give Esme privacy until I heard her place the lid on the jar. She then took the jar from me and returned inside the house. I watched as she ascended the stairs clutching Carlisle's remains to her chest. I let out a tormented sigh and faced the charred earth in front of me. With quick precision, I turned the soil and placed the layer of sod we had removed earlier to cover the patch. Upon finishing, the area looked completely normal. Like nothing had happened on it at all. That thought weighed heavily upon me.

I quickly cleaned myself up and returned to find Esme in her room. She was lying on her side still clutching the jar of ashes. Her thoughts the past few minutes were filled with questions as to her future, and I desired to ease her worry.

"Esme, you'll go with Bella and me to Hanover. We'll leave as soon as we can," I said, as I sat down gently next to her.

_I don't know if I can, Edward. I don't know if I can bring myself to leave here._

I took the jar and set it on the night stand and positioned a framed photograph of Carlisle that had resided next to Esme's side of the bed for the last fifty years in front of it. I then gathered Esme's hands in one of mine and pulled her up to wrap my free arm around her.

"You can. You will."

_Oh, Edward...he's gone...he's really gone...._

I clutched my mother close to me and together we grieved together for hours until I heard a vehicle leave the highway and enter our drive. Charlie Swan was here.


	4. The Day After

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. All other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**~.:*:.~  
**

**December 27, 2010**

**Dear Father,**

**Esme is one of the strongest beings I have ever known. I know this fact is something you were already well aware of, but I felt it deserved to be acknowledged. I'm finding that writing my thoughts down allows them to take on a different kind of permanence and somehow solidifies them more in my mind. The seconds after Charlie Swan pulled into the drive and made his way with Bella to the door, I watched a change come over Esme that proved to me, beyond any doubt, that survival at whatever the cost is one of our most base instincts. Her transformation from grieving widow to her genial "human" self was like watching a flip book of photos, each passing second detailing her shift. She played her part with such conviction that I, privy to the debilitating grief that never left her thoughts, was able to somehow act out my part as well. It was Bella, though, who I think you would have been most proud of, Carlisle. Bella, the human girl that never once worried for her own safety and life, saw us all through one of our last hurdles.  
**

**~.:*:.~ **

**June 16, 2006 - Forks, WA**

The authoritative knock on the door echoed through the silent house. Esme looked into my eyes and then slowly closed hers.

_It's time._

She rose from the bed and walked to her closet to grab a robe. In a moment, she was wrapped up, feet ensconced in slippers, and making her way slowly downstairs. I quickly made my way up to my room and donned a pair of sleep pants and a t-shirt and was back at the top of the stairs before Esme reached the front door.

_I can do this._

"You're right; you can," I whispered in answer to Esme's self-encouraging thought.

Esme flipped on the porch light and opened the front door.

"Chief Swan. Bella! My goodness, it's late. Is everything all right? Come in, please," Esme said, opening the door wider to usher them inside.

Bella's father's thoughts were frustratingly vague, but it was clear he was devastated to have to deliver the news that the wreckage of Carlisle's car had been found, and it was presumed that he had perished in the crash.

"Thank you," Chief Swan said, entering the house. He put his hand behind Bella and swept her into the house with him. He looked up and saw me at the top of the stairs.

"Uh, Edward. You're up. That's good. You should probably go wake up your brothers and sisters."

"I'm sorry, sir. They went into Seattle for a concert and won't be home until tomorrow. Is there something wrong, Chief?"

Chief Swan grimaced at my answer before speaking again.

"Come down, son. I need you and your mother to have a seat."

I nodded and descended the stairs as fast as could be thought of as human, before I guided Esme over to the couch where we both sat down. Bella came over to join us and took my hand. I looked between her and the Chief to indicate my confusion as to their being in our home at such an unusual hour.

"Please, Chief Swan, I'm beginning to become frightened."

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Cullen, but I have to inform you that there has been an accident, and Dr. Cullen's vehicle was found about fifty miles from here."

"Carlisle's car? I don't understand. He was going to Portland to visit a colleague. Is he okay?"

"I'm very sorry, but it appears his vehicle went off the road and over the edge of the highway."

Esme gasped and covered her mouth.

"Chief? What..." I began before Bella interrupted me.

"Dad, just tell them."

Charlie let out a deep sigh and looked up at my mother with an emotion that could only be described as complete pity. "The crash was extreme. The vehicle was found in the water, and when rescuers could reach it, Dr. Cullen's body was not in the wreckage."

"Could he have-"

"Ma'am, witnesses at the scene say he didn't exit the vehicle. I'm sorry."

"Are you saying...my father is..._dead_, Chief Swan?" I asked, needing this to become official.

"I don't make that call, son, but after a thorough investigation of the crash, I'm pretty sure that's what the coroner will do, yes."

"Oh my God," Esme exclaimed before collapsing into me and weeping. Her performance for Charlie was exemplary, mostly because it wasn't a performance.

_What will I do without him? He was everything. _

I whispered comforting words to Esme as I looked up at the Chief and nodded my thanks to him before pulling Bella to me. I buried my face in her hair and finally let go.

I let the grief, remorse, guilt, anger, and a maelstrom of other emotions finally out, and even though tears would never flow from my eyes again, I sobbed. Great spasms wracked my body as I felt Bella wrap me up. I had no idea when her father left our house or how long I allowed my feelings to remain unchecked, but when I raised my head again, the sun was beginning its ascent in the eastern sky. The longest day of my life was finally over, but I knew many more long days of grieving were to follow.

I sat holding Bella until a text came through on my phone reminding me of a promise I had made to reset Jacob's bones. I knew I needed to do it soon to avoid any potential permanent damage. Bella had fallen asleep clutching me, and while I hated to wake her, I knew she'd understand my reasons. I slowly brushed my fingers over the dried, salty tracks of tears she had shed while I allowed myself to mourn. She stretched and slowly opened her eyes, bestowing upon me one of her precious smiles.

"Love, I'm sorry to wake you, but I need to attend to Jacob."

Bella bolted upright and covered her mouth in shock. She then buried her face in her hands.

"Jake! Oh my gosh, I didn't even think to call him last night," she mumbled through her fingers.

A small flare of joy shot through me at Bella's forgetting about Jacob being hurt last night, but was soon buried under the knowledge that her thoughts had been clouded by the anguish of being involved with me and my family. The never-ending fiasco that was our existence would always–my train of thought was broken when I felt Bella's hand on my cheek. I looked up to see her peering at me with worry etched across her face.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this and that your friend has been hurt. I'm just so damn sorry..."

"Edward, you have to stop. This self-loathing of yours is breaking my heart. Please, you beating yourself up all the time is making things so much harder."

Of course she was right. Of course she was. I leaned into her and gently brushed her lips with mine. Bella responded to my kiss greedily. The tremor of love that ran through me at her touch was overwhelming as always, and the venom I swallowed back had far less to do with her blood than with my own lust. I allowed myself a few moments of bliss before I pulled away.

"I should attend to Jacob. If it's possible, Bella, would you please stay with Esme while I am in La Push?"

"Sure, but you don't want me to go with you? I thought I'd go–"

"Bella," I interrupted. "I think it's best you not be there for that. I'm sure Jacob would appreciate not having to appear brave in front of you while I break his bones."

"Right. Yeah, of course," she answered. She began nervously chewing on her bottom lip.

"What is it, love?"

"Edward...are you sure, um, that you can do this?"

"I've reset bones before in medical school, Bella."

"Yeah, but what about breaking them? I mean, what if you hurt him more?"

I tried not to over think Bella's concern for Jacob. She was right to worry, but I was certain I could handle the job of breaking and resetting any bones that needed it without pulverizing the dog's limbs.

"I promise to be careful, but I really should go."

"Yeah, sure. I'll stay with Esme. Thank you for doing this, Edward. I know..." she trailed off before looking me in the eyes. "I know after everything that has happened, going to La Push won't be easy. So, just, thank you."

I smiled at her before giving her a quick kiss goodbye and was out the door. I sprinted to the treaty line and called Sam on my cell phone.

_"Cullen."_

"I'm at the treaty line," I announced.

_"I'll send Seth. He'll escort you to the Black's."_

I walked along the treaty line for a few minutes before the thin, sandy wolf I considered a friend bounded toward me.

_Come on. I'll race you._

I smiled and nodded as I took an uncomfortable step onto Quileute land.  
_  
It's okay. Let's go, that is if you can keep up, old man._

"Old man? I'll show you old man, you whelp."

Seth snickered and raced off into the woods. I gave him a few seconds before following. I blew past him and was able to follow the scent of the wolves and a trace scent of Bella to a run-down house. Seth came pounding up behind me and quickly phased, panting heavily. He threw on a pair of shorts and knocked me in the shoulder. He bounced off hard and I had to laugh at the teen's antics. He truly was a puppy.

"I'm glad you came, Edward. Jake's arm and leg look totally gross. Sam tried to get them straight but totally failed, man."

I nodded gravely as Seth opened the door to the Black home. I was hesitant to step inside. Before I did, Billy Black rolled into view.

"Edward."

"Mr. Black."

I saw his face tighten into what could only be described as resolve.

"I'm..."

_Shit. Just say it, Billy._

"I heard about Dr. Cullen. Anyway I, uh, well...I'm sorry and I appreciate you for coming to help my son."

"Thank you and you're welcome, sir."

We stared at each other for a few moments, and I wasn't surprised at his next thought.

_I'm trusting you, but I'll let those boys tear you apart if you hurt my boy. I don't care if Bella thinks she loves you or not._

"Understood, sir. I only want to help," I said as politely as I could.

"Good. So, uh, do I need to invite you in or something?" he asked, rolling back his chair so I could enter.

I couldn't help but release the laugh that bubbled up. "No, that's not necessary, but thank you just the same."

I stepped in and saw Seth in the hall motioning me to follow him.  
_  
I smell you, bloodsucker._

Jacob. Pleasant as always.

I walked back to what must have been Jacob's room. The fact that I could smell lingering traces of Bella in the house made me clench my fists, but I reminded myself that she loved me. She chose me.

What I saw when I entered the room worried me greatly. Jacob's ulna had been badly broken and was poorly reset. His leg was also obviously misaligned. I hoped blood flow hadn't been restricted to his lower leg. I couldn't imagine delivering the news amputation would be necessary.

I walked over to where Jacob was resting and nodded hello to Sam and Jared. I could tell by their faces, as well as their thoughts, that they were worried about Jacob's limbs. They had a right to be.

"Thanks for coming, Edward," Sam said in greeting. "We uh, got some supplies; we didn't know what you'd need."

I saw some athletic bandages, rolled gauze and tape.

"This should be fine. Thank you. I'm going to examine you now, Jacob."

He let out a growl, and Sam issued one right back.

"Don't be stupid, Jake. He's all we've got."

"Sam, Jared, I'm going to need you to make sure he doesn't move," I ordered.

They nodded in understanding, moved to either side of Jacob and placed their hands on his shoulders.

I felt along his abdomen and was satisfied his ribs had healed fine. Next, I reached out and took Jacob's arm into my hands. Slowly running my fingers over the edge of the freshly healed break, I could feel the rigid bone. I pressed my fingers down and the newly knit bone gave easily. He howled in pain, and had it not been for Sam and Jared holding him down, I'm sure he would have leaped from the bed and phased. I quickly set the bone correctly and wrapped an athletic bandage that was near him around his arm to hold it in place.  
_  
You don't have to enjoy it so damn much, leech._

"Now, now, Jacob," I admonished, my voice filled with disdain. "I take no joy in your pain."

_Once a liar, always a liar._

Ignoring his desire to bait me into an argument, I began to examine his leg and luckily it looked like blood flow was fine into his foot and toes. Between the two major breaks, this one worried me the most. The deformity was pretty severe, and I was worried there could be muscle and nerve damage. Only time would tell. Looking into his eyes as I felt along the tibia bone I could see his fear. I quickly snapped the bone and set it. Jake's face grimaced in pain, and I looked around for something more rigid than the bandages on hand to help the healing process.

"What do you need, Edward?" Sam asked.

"Something to act like a brace. A stick or pole..."

"Seth, go get the broom in the kitchen."

Seth bounded out of the room and quickly returned with the broom in hand. I quickly removed the head and snapped the rod in two. I placed the wood next to Jacob's newly straightened leg and wrapped it tightly.

"Alright, that's it. I'm done," I said standing. "You have to stay off of this leg, Jacob. Give it a few days at least before you try to phase, and then, only if you are able to walk without pain. I'm serious."

"Don't worry. He's got his orders," Sam informed me.

"Good. If you have any loss of feeling or residual pain let me know."

Jacob scooted up to a sitting position on the bed.

_Don't expect me to thank you. This only puts me behind a few days. I will convince Bella to leave you. _

I tried to stop the snarl that broke from me but failed miserably. Sam was in front of me before I could move.

"Jake, knock it off. Cullen is here to help you, and from the looks of it, he might have saved your leg, so why don't you quit with the mental assault, alright?"

"Sam! How can you take his side? He's going to kill Bella," Jacob whined.

"That's none of our business any longer," Sam barked.

I looked at him confused, but before I could ask what he meant, Jacob continued yelling at me.

"You say you love her, but you'd take away her life just to keep her? Is that how bloodsuckers show _love_?" he sneered.

"I understand you care for her, Jacob," I stated calmly. "Bella has decided–"

"Yeah, well, who's going to do it now? You? I thought her blood drove you crazy? You going to let your brother do it? The other leech that almost killed her?"

Jacob's words hit a nerve, and when he saw me stiffen, he knew he'd struck deep.

_You'll really kill her this time, bloodsucker. You know it._

"I don't answer to you, Jacob Black, nor does Bella," I growled.

"Jake. Let it go," Sam said. I could tell from his tone he meant his words more as a friend than as pack alpha.

"Sam, we're supposed to protect people from them–"

"Jake! Someday you'll understand," Sam said, turning from Jake, he looked at me. "I already told you that the the elders expressed their sympathy at Carlisle being killed, but we also discussed the situation with Bella."

"Sam! What the hell are you talking about?" Jake shouted.

"Quiet Jake. That's enough out of you. It's done." Sam words were stern and Jake shot him a look of disdain. "Edward, the pack won't consider the treaty broken if Bella is changed, but the rest of the treaty stands. Bella Swan is the only exception we will ever make and we ask one thing."

I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"Fuck you, Sam! This is bullshit!" Jake yelled. He tried to get up but Jared held him down. Jacob was seething. His thoughts pummeled me relentlessly. There was no question, Jacob Black detested me and wanted to rip me apart.

"Jake! I'm not going to tell you again to shut the hell up!" Sam yelled. Sam exhaled heavily and I could see him shudder in rage. I gave him a minute to calm himself as him phasing wouldn't be a good thing inside the small room. Sam slowly raised his eyes to me.

_We need to wrap this up. I need to run this anger off before I lose it._

"I understand, Sam. You were saying there was a condition."

"Yeah, right. You can't change Bella here. Make sure you're gone from Forks before it happens. After dealing with the newborn vampires, we don't want there to be any chance of our people being in danger or of us having to _eliminate_ that danger."

I understood perfectly what Sam was trying to say. The pack didn't want to ever have a reason to kill Bella, vampire or not.

"Thank you, Sam. Please extend my gratitude to the tribe elders as well. We'll keep you informed, but as of right now, we will be leaving Forks in the fall. We have no plans to return here to live."

Sam extended his hand to me, and I shook it.

_This isn't over, Cullen. Not by a long shot._

I shook my head at Jacob's last attempt to bait me. I knew nothing I said would dissuade him. I turned and left the room.

Seth followed me out as I left the Black home. He phased, and I then followed him to the treaty line. He quickly returned to his human form.

"So, uh, is it cool if I come say goodbye when you and Bella go?" he asked nervously.

"You're welcome in our home anytime, Seth."

"Thanks, Edward, and not just for what you did back there. I know Jake can be a dick, but..."

"It's alright, Seth. I know he loves Bella. I know what he'd do for her."

"Yeah, anyway. I'll see you later," he said, holding out his fist to me.

"Later," I said, with a laugh. I bumped his fist gently and took off for home.

I entered the house a few minutes later and followed the sounds of Bella's heartbeat to the kitchen. I saw Bella and Esme huddled together, looking at a laptop. Bella had her arm around Esme. The look on Esme's face could only be described as determined.

"What are you two up to?" I asked, interrupting their activity.

Bella smiled up at me and rose from her chair. Esme continued staring at the screen and clicking away at some web page. Her thoughts were filled with images of rooms I'd never seen before yet somehow felt familiar.

I grabbed Bella's extended hand and followed as she led me out of the kitchen and up the stairs to my room. I shut the door behind us, and Bella turned to me and slowly leaned in for a kiss. I quickly moved us to my bed and allowed myself the pleasure of Bella's affections. After several minutes of chaste yet loving kisses, Bella broke away and ran her hands through my hair.

"I missed you."

"Not as much as I missed you, love."

"Thank you, Edward," she murmured against my lips. "I know that must have been hard for you."

"You mean breaking Jacob's bones?" I asked, failing to hide the sense of enjoyment I actually did get out of the experience.

"I'm serious. I'm sure Jake didn't make it easy on you. Was he terrible? Will he be okay?"

"Yes, he'll be fine. He should be back to scratching his fleas in a few days."

Bella playfully slapped at me. I deftly encased her hand in mine and kissed each fingertip, and for another moment, I was able to just revel in my love for the glorious girl.

"So, my love, what were you and Esme up to when I got back? Her thoughts were very scattered."

"Well, after you left, we just sat there. God, Edward, it was awful. I felt so bad for her. I mean, I remember what I felt when you were in Italy, and I thought that I was too late..."

Bella's voice trailed off, and I sighed. Both Bella and I knew the pain of believing we had lost each other, as well as the elation at finding out we were wrong. Esme would have no such reprieve from her grief.

"Anyway," Bella continued, "I thought she could use a distraction. And um, I figured I'd let her know that I wanted her to be with us when school starts in the fall, so we just started surfing around online. Esme kind of went overboard."

She let out a small laugh and buried her face in my chest. I pulled her back so I could see her face.

"Bella," I said, laughing at her silliness. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"We found a house, Edward. A house that can fit _all of us_ outside Hanover, and Esme is going to buy it."

**~.:*:.~**

**September 13, 2006 - Hanover, NH**

"Happy Birthday, Bella."

I placed the single cupcake with one lone candle burning in front of Bella, who was propped up against our headboard. We'd been in Hanover for just over two weeks now and had spent most of that time settling into the new house and exploring the campus and surrounding area. Our final months in Forks had allowed for Carlisle's "death" to be made official. The people of Forks grieved with our family at Carlisle's loss. Knowing the community cared for him so touched us all deeply. It also gave us time to announce our engagement and for Bella to say her goodbyes to Charlie and her friends, including Jacob. He hadn't taken the news that Bella still intended to marry me well, and after their discussion, he fled into the woods. His whereabouts are still unknown, but I can't bring myself to care if he's ever heard from again.

"Yay...another year," Bella said with dread as she blew out the candle.

"Yes, love, another year we get to spend together," I said, setting the cupcake down on the nightstand.

"Another year that I'm older than you," she grumbled.

"You know that doesn't matter, Bella."

"I don't want to look older than you for eternity. I mean if we are going to have to go through pretending to just be a human boyfriend and girlfriend forever, Edward, I don't want to be some old hag."

"You're nineteen, Bella. Hardly 'old hag' material." I laughed as I leaned in to kiss her nose. "And, who's to say we'll have to do that?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Bella, I have no idea what we'll do. Alice and Jasper still have no intention of returning, and Rosalie and Emmett have left the country for who knows where. Our trying to blend in with the humans was what we had to do to enable Carlisle to work. After...after your change, we don't necessarily have to do that."

"What would we do?"

"Whatever we want. I'd be fine with never going back to high school ever again."

"I don't know," she said with a smile. "I might feel kind of robbed only getting to do it once."

I chuckled at her joke. "Trust me, once is enough, love."

We were quiet for a few moments before Bella began to speak hesitantly.

"Speaking of my change...we need to decide when it will be."

She looked up at me, pleading with her eyes. I knew she was worried about the Volturi checking up on us. I had a brief conversation with Aro after Jane's return to Italy, and while he expressed his sadness at the loss of Carlisle, he made sure to let me know his decision about Bella still stood. I knew we had no choice. Bella would have to be changed, but my feelings of dread over that fact weighed upon me greatly. In truth, I was terrified. I had no idea how I would be able to change her on my own.

"I need time, Bella. Without..." I sighed and shook my head in frustration. "I just don't know that I can do it, and even if I somehow resist draining you, there is no guarantee that you'll wake up after the change. Please, Bella. I can't lose you, too. I just can't even bear to think about it and–"

"It's okay, Edward. Stop. I'm sure Alice will let us know if she sees anything _alarming_, and for now, we'll just...you know, live our life."

"Thank you, my love. That's exactly what I want to do."

**~.:*:.~**

**Decemeber 23, 2006 - Hanover, NH**

I heard their thoughts before the knock on the door, but I let Bella open it without warning anyway. When she saw Alice and Jasper standing in front of her, I don't know who's shrieks were louder, hers or Alice's. Bella was wrapped up in Alice's tiny arms and swept inside the house, and they were both talking at paces even difficult for a vampire to follow. Esme came into the main house from her studio out back when she heard the commotion and was soon embracing both Alice and Jasper. We'd done our best to make the house feel festive for the upcoming holiday, but just having their presence in the room made everything feel much more like home.

"You're here! You're really here?" Bella asked after the initial greetings were dispensed.

"Yes! Are you surprised?" Alice laughed. "I didn't see Edward ruining it, so yay!"

"I'm completely surprised. How long are you staying?"

"Well, that depends on you guys," Alice said looking around at each of us.

"Us?"

"Yes, Bella. We came in time for Christmas, but we're home. We're finally _home_."

**~.:*:.~**

**a/n: Thank you for your reviews and favorites. I truly appreciate them.**


	5. Changes

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. All other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.**

**~.:*:.~  
**

**December 28, 2010**

**Dear Father,  
**

**You would be so proud of the strides Jasper has made over the past few years. His control has allowed him to be around humans like never before, and that contact has transformed him more than I could have ever imagined. Again, Bella was an instrumental factor in his desire to change. Alice and Jasper's time away from the family was spent strengthening Jasper's resistance to the blood lust in an effort to be able to live in the same house as Bella. He used meditative techniques and other sensory exercises, as well as finding a purpose for his time. Jasper began to do clinical therapy work with veterans. He did this for several reasons very dear to him, one of which was your legacy, Carlisle. Your impact as a healer left a profound mark on Jasper, as it did with the rest of your children.**

**I wish I could tell you that my rift with Rosalie was mended quickly and that she and Emmett returned home, but sadly, it was not. I know a great deal of the blame lies with me. You were well aware of the communication issues Rosalie and I always had, even with my ability to know what she's thinking, I still don't have the ability to **_**understand**_** her. You were able to connect and love her in a way that I will never be able to, and I am aware that our roles are different, yet I do wish I was able to reach her like you did. I do see now how losing you was so devastating for her, based on how desperately she needs to be loved. My failure in that endeavor will be a great regret for me to bear for quite some time to come.**

**While Emmett and Rosalie did stay in contact with us, we all felt their absence deeply, especially Esme. Her unending guilt at striking Rosalie on the day we lost you was a moment she relived time and time again. No matter how many times I told her to stop blaming herself, she would simply look at me and say the same thing, "I let down my daughter." For all the strides Jasper made, sadly Esme retreated from having any contact with the outside world, save Bella. She lost herself in her art. She would paint great canvases of her memories of you. They never included your image, but I knew from her thoughts and having had experienced some of the moments with both of you what they were. Hundreds and hundreds of paintings filled her studio, and soon we had to build additional storage for them all, as she refused to part with a single one. It was my hope that she would find the time therapeutic, but instead, she mired herself in the void your loss created. We tried in vain to include her in everything, yet she chose to hunt alone and only interacted with us for short amounts of time. I once asked Jasper if her grief was painful for him. His answer ended up hurting more than I expected; most of the time, he felt nothing from her.**

**I wouldn't want you to think our life in Hanover wasn't happy, though. I have many wonderful memories, and Bella and Alice were very much the source of that joy. They infused incredible amounts of love and laughter into our home. Although, I have been jealous of their deep, unwavering connection to each other a great many times. They are truly the best of friends and sisters in every sense. Bella has had a grounding effect on Alice, if you could believe that. While Alice loves Rosalie, her love for Bella is amazing to witness. She was intrigued by the changes in Bella's body and personality as Bella left her teen years and entered her twenties. Her desperate need to dress Bella up like a doll abated some as Bella became a woman, and Alice's respect for her strengthening individuality grew.**

**Bella. I could write volumes on her, Father. If there was ever a creature that made me question absolutely all my preconceived notions and beliefs, it is her. After I explained to her my great fear of changing her, she let the matter lay dormant for my sake. We both knew it would have to happen eventually, but we were somehow able to place that fact away and truly enjoy our lives. Bella fell in love with school and being involved in campus life. She found her passion, and watching Bella speak on things she believed in was the strongest mental and physical aphrodisiac I'd ever encountered. She became like a lioness, strong and relentless. It was glorious, and when she decided it was finally time to become my wife, I was deeply honored.**

**I married Bella on a star-filled night in the summer of two thousand and seven. It was a simple affair attended solely by our family, minus Rosalie and Emmett, and hers. Of course, your absence was felt by all, as it always is. Bella made her way to me down a candle lit path as Charlie walked by her side. When he placed her hand in mine, I had never been happier. It is the one event of my existence I would choose to relive over and over again for eternity. Well, there might be one other moment I would choose over that, but as much as being married to Bella has changed me, I'm still not comfortable discussing that aspect of our life with my father. I know you'll forgive me.**

**I knew our idyllic life was soon going to take a turn though. Bella's drive and determination to finish school early wasn't entirely lost on me. So when Bella announced shortly before our graduation from Dartmouth that she had decided her change could wait no longer, I was somewhat taken aback at my lack of belief in myself. Without you by my side to see me through what was truly the most terrifying time of my life, I wasn't sure I'd survive it.  
**

**~.:*:.~**

**June 9, 2009 - Hanover, NH**

I busied myself in the kitchen, preparing a snack for Bella, as I waited for her to return home from her last final exam. The last three years had been more than I could have ever hoped for. Bella and I had slowly moved forward with our physical relationship, and by the time we were married, I was pleased that I was able to consummate our love in the most intimate of ways. That's not to say that there weren't road bumps along the way, but Bella was patient with me, and together we learned the joys of physically pleasing each other. Our life was happy. Having Bella in our daily lives enriched all of us, even to some extent Esme, who confined herself to her grief and her art studio.

I heard Bella's SUV pull into the drive. I placed the plate of apple slices and brie on the table and walked to the door to greet her. I knew Bella wanted to have a serious conversation, she had said as much before leaving to take her exam, but I refused to let my mind focus on the topic. Bella had been determined to graduate early and with the AP credits she brought into college and her ridiculously heavy schedule, she managed to fulfill her course work in record time. I knew, even without the ability to read her mind, what she was doing. While Bella had truly fallen in love with school and blossomed in the academic environment, she and I both knew her time here was the last she would have as a human.

As I stood just inside the door, Bella smiled at me through the windshield of her vehicle and opened the door.

"How did it go?"

"Well. You were right, there was much more focus on the neural mechanisms underlying executive control than the cognitive. You wouldn't have happened to listen in on Dr. Kralik preparing the exam would you?"

I raised my hands in feigned innocence. "It was just an educated guess, darling."

She stopped in front of me and placed her lips gently on mine. "Mmm hmm. You know, you might not have the normal human tells to indicate when you are lying, but I still know when you are."

To her delight, I quickly scooped her up and brought her into the kitchen, depositing her in a chair.

"Oh, apples and brie! My favorite."

"I know, love. I wanted something special for you, Ms. College Graduate."

"Can you believe it?"

"Of course I can; my wife is a very intelligent woman. Graduating early from Dartmouth with honors. That's truly an accomplishment, Bella."

"Well, you know I still have to finish some research, but that can be done _anywhere_."

By the sound of her voice, I could tell this was it. As much as I wanted to prevent her from saying the words, I knew I could not.

"Edward?"

"Yes, love?" I said, feigning ignorance to give myself one last second of peace.

"It's time."

I looked onto her beautiful brown eyes. The eyes that over the last four years had expressed so much emotion and love for me. The eyes that would soon be crimson red. I could hear Bella's heartbeat racing as she waited for me to respond. I knew she was nervous about my reaction, yet she remained outwardly calm, her resolve in this matter absolute. She was right, as much as it devastated me, it _was_ time.

"Bella..."

"After graduation, Edward. We'll give my parents this one last happy memory, and then we'll take a trip."

"Love–"

"Edward. We'll take a trip and just not come back."

"Oh, Bella." I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face. "I don't think we have to go to such extremes if you don't–"

"I've thought about this for three years, Edward. You asked for time, and I gave it to you, and I'm not sorry I did. I truly have loved experiencing this, all of it. The wedding, being your wife, school, time with my parents, the changes in my body..." she trailed off, blushing at her admission. "I wouldn't trade any of that. After losing Carlisle..." she paused.

Discussing Carlisle's demise was still something none of us could do easily. Time, it seemed, had not begun to heal that wound.

"Every minute with the ones we love is precious, I get that, but we can't wait any longer. The Volturi have been patient, but we can't test that patience any longer. We have to do it now, and this is the best way. I can't have my parents wondering why we don't visit, why they can't. It's hard, but it _is_ what's _best_."

Bella was right that we had been granted some leeway in her change. I had spoken with Aro shortly after we lost Carlisle and while he communicated his expectations were still the same as far as Bella becoming one of us, I didn't get the feeling that we would be much of an interest to the Volturi any longer as our family had scattered around the world. I relied on Alice to see if any vampires from Volterra were making their way toward us. None had, as of yet. I felt comfortable with the fact that we were safe for the near future. I wasn't sure why, but the happiness Bella and I were experiencing soon made me end any questioning on that regard.

We sat quietly in the kitchen staring at each other. I mulled over how I could possibly change Bella. It was true that I had all but conquered my thirst for her blood, but we also took extreme measures to limit Bella's potential risk in a house full of vampires. She rarely used sharp knives and refrained from opening envelopes or packages. At first it was difficult for her, but between Alice, Jasper and myself we were able to "prepare" things for Bella and before long, it became second nature to all of us. But this, this was something that I still didn't trust myself with.

"Edward, you stopped yourself once. You can do it again."

"Bella..." It was times like these when I questioned why she had the ability to read my thoughts so clearly when hers were still such a mystery to me.

"No, please don't begin to doubt yourself now. I'm not doubting you _or_ this decision; we've come so far and been able to do so much. Let's just talk to Alice, okay?"

Right after Bella finished speaking, I heard Alice and Jasper approach the back door. Alice breezed in and plopped herself down at the table, a devious smile plastered across her face. I locked eyes with her and raised an eyebrow in irritation. Jasper leaned against the kitchen counter and chuckled under his breath.  
_  
Oh, relax, Edward. So what if we had this planned? She's my very best friend and my sister. Deal with it._

I turned to look at Isabella, and she smiled innocently at me.

"Nice try, love, but Alice all ready spilled that this little ambush was planned."

"Alice!" Bella admonished.

"What? It's better that we just get this out there and dealt with."

I exhaled deeply in irritation. I didn't even know where to begin. We'd need a new location to live.

"Already taken care of, brother dear. I found a wonderful old hunting lodge," Alice cooed.

"Where exactly?" I was failing miserably in hiding my irritation at the tidy little package Alice was handing me.

"Newfoundland. The town is at about 53°N 67°W," Jasper answered. "Decent amenities, it's got an airstrip but also plenty of water for a float plane. The property we found is five miles east of town. It's remote and needs some work, but its got good square footage. Plenty of room and the animal population is significant. Moose, and caribou mostly, and there is even some black bear around," he interjected almost as an afterthought. Jasper's thoughts shifted suddenly to reviewing specifications for 18th century British naval frigates.

"The Royal Navy, Jasper? What are you hiding?"

Alice cleared her throat, drawing my attention back to her.

_We'll need everyone, Edward._

"I understand that. I assume you have already figured out when this will happen?"

"No, Edward, I don't think you _do_ understand. We will need _everyone_."  
_  
Rosalie and Emmett, Edward. We will need them there._

"Rosalie and Emmett?" I was taken aback at this news. This could change everything. If Rosalie and Emmett were needed but refused to come and help, the implications could be dire. "Show me, Alice."

Alice's face became serious as she shared a vision of Bella, obviously now a vampire, tearing across grasslands and finding a human woman alone. I waived Alice off before I could see Bella kill the innocent.  
_  
She gets away from us. When Rose and Emmett are there, that doesn't happen._

I nodded in understanding. I would deal with the fact that I would need to mend some hurt with my absent sister a little later, at the moment there was another family member who's involvement was more important to me that I needed to know about.

"What about Esme? I take it you've spoken with her?"

"We just did. She...she's fine with it. I made sure she had a space for her studio." The sadness in Alice's voice reminded me that Esme would be _fine_ wherever we were. Fine had taken on such an absurd meaning in our family.

"Edward, I'm sorry if you are irritated with us, I just didn't want you to have to worry about anything," my wife spoke, covering my hand with hers.

"I'm not irritated–"

Jasper snorted behind me. I raised my free hand and indicated exactly what I thought of him at the moment, making him laugh even harder.

_Same to you, brother._

Alice pressed a button on her phone, and I heard it ringing on the other end. She held out it out to me.

_No time like the present, right?_

I grasped the damned thing and put it to my ear. My nervousness flared at the sound of Rosalie's voice answering, but was soon dampened by Jasper. I felt like one of his war vets thinking about facing down an unexploded IED. Rosalie was without a doubt a volitile substance I continually failed to handle properly, and now I was required to convince her to come home in order for me to change Bella. Something I knew she was wholeheartedly against.

"Hello, Rosalie."

_"Edward...why are you calling? Is Alice okay?"_ she asked alarmed.

"Yes, I'm sorry. Alice is fine. She's right here; everyone is fine. I'm sorry to have scared you."  
_  
"No, it's fine. So why is it you're calling?"_

"We are preparing for Bella's change, Rosalie, and we need you and Emmett. Alice has seen an unfortunate occurrence if you are absent."

_"Well if that is the only reason you are calling than you have wasted both of our time." _

Shit.

Alice huffed next to me._ Time to make amends, Edward. You can do this, you don't have any other choice!_

"No, Rose, wait! I'm sorry. I know that day, the day we lost Carlisle, was horrible for everyone. I did what I felt was right at the time, and if I offended you, I truly apologize. I know this conversation is long overdue, I am sorry for that as well. My pride is an obstacle at times, as I am sure you are well aware. Bella's change isn't the only reason you should return. We are a family, and we are incomplete without you and Emmett."

The words rushed out of me, but they were the truth. The truth I had spent years avoiding. I could hear Rosalie's shallow breaths as I waited for her response.  
_  
"I'm...sorry too, Edward. I know my reaction was extreme. Most of my reactions are. The way things were left was unfortunate, but...I don't know if I can come back. Emmett and I are happy abroad. I don't think I can live that way again, the pretending and all of that. I don't think us being there will make things complete, Edward. There will always be a void and... I am sorry, but I can't."_

"I understand," I replied. I let out a disappointed sigh and looked up when I saw Bella reach her hand out for the phone. I handed it over to her, like any good husband would.

"Hello, Rosalie. How are you?" Bella asked with friendly sincerity in her voice.

Bella was met with complete quiet on the other end.

_"Bella. Hello, we're fine." _Rosalie's tone was cool and reserved.

_"Oh, you're talking to Bella? I want to say 'hi'. Ouch, damn, Rosie."_ I heard Emmett whine and had to restrain myself from chuckling. Some things never change.

"I'm glad. I hope you know we have only ever wanted you to be well."

_"Thank you. I..." _Rosalie stumbled. I could hear her mouth opening and closing. Rosalie at a loss for words was something I had rarely encountered. "_Congratulations on graduating. Alice tells me you've earned honors," _she said, making a smooth recovery.

"Yes, It's been a lot of work but worth it to get here. Look, Rosalie, I won't waste your time. I know this is an inconvenience in your lives right now, and I apologize for that, but I'd really like you and Emmett to be there when this happens. I think we'd _all_ feel more comfortable knowing we had both of you there. Your strengths and experiences are truly invaluable, and like Edward alluded to, we all miss you both so terribly."

I would never say Bella was playing Rosalie, but she certainly knew exactly what to say to make her consider the possibility of returning. My wife was becoming a force to be reckoned with.  
_  
"That's very kind of you to say, Bella, but I thought after you staying human all of this time that maybe..." _Rosalie's words trailed off.

Rose would never understand Bella's desire to become a vampire, of giving up the possibility of having children and living the cycle of life as God intended. In truth, Rosalie would never get over having that life taken from her. I knew Bella's change would bring up all of the horrible memories associated to Rosalie's experience. I felt awful that my stupidity was putting her in that position to revisit her nightmares.

"No, you know we don't truly have a choice in this. We've waited far too long as it is, but even so, it's what I want. I want eternity with Edward...and with_ all_ of you. Please, it would mean a lot to me to have you and Emmett there. Come home, Rosalie, please. It's time," Bella expressed with conviction.

Silence permeated from the phone, and I had almost given up hope when Rosalie spoke.  
_  
"Alright. We'll be there."_

"Thank you. Truly, Rosalie, thank you."

Bella smiled and handed me the phone. I took it and told Rosalie we'd see them soon at the property in Newfoundland. She said she and Emmett would leave Germany immediately. I ended the call and turned to Alice.

"This will work, right?"

Alice's vision filled my mind. Bella waking up, even more beautiful than I could imagine, her hunting and testing out her vampire strength on Emmett, much to his delight. It was all so bittersweet; my ultimate desire paired with my saddest regret.

"Thank you, Alice, for showing me."

"Edward, you don't have to thank me. This is what families do for each other," she said nonchalantly as she glided across the room stopping in front of me.

_It would have been fine either way though. I'm fairly certain we would have stopped her; I just thought we could all stand to be together again. It's been too long._

"Alice!" I hissed through gritted teeth at her manipulative admission.

_I know, I love you too, and you're welcome. _

Standing on tiptoe, she placed a kiss on my nose.

It was impossible not to forgive her her antics, even though the thought of hurling her through the kitchen windows briefly filled my thoughts. She feigned shock at me and then flitted over to Bella. She wrapped her up in a hug and then motioned to Jasper to follow her out of the room. Jasper stopped and placed a hand each on Bella's and my shoulder.

"It'll be alright. We'll make sure of it."

"Thank you, Jasper," Bella and I said simultaneously as he left the room. We turned to each other and laughed at our synchronicity.

"It really will be alright, Edward. You're going to do this, and then we'll have forever together.

I wrapped Bella up and thought about all of us being together again and living as a family. Alice was right; it really had been too long.

**~.:*:.~**

The morning of Bella's graduation dawned bright and beautiful. Alice had seen this outcome so we were prepared, but we could also thank Dartmouth's restrictions on the number of tickets graduates received. As such, Renee, Phil, Charlie, and his new wife, Sue, were going to be the only attendees at the graduation ceremony. After assuring them that Esme, Alice, Jasper, and I would be watching the event in the overflow area, Bella and her parents were off. This day was for the humans in Bella's life that would never again be able to celebrate anything joyous with her. The next event they would all share would be Bella's death. I didn't deserve to be present to mar this memory for them. I knew Bella had come to terms with all of this, but there was still a part of me that regretted the fact her change was so close. The war raging inside of me continued to end in a stalemate. I wanted eternity with Bella, yet I wanted her to retain her humanity, her soul.

We had done all we could in the prior three years to include Bella's family as much as possible, hosting holiday celebrations and keeping them up to date with school and other aspects of our lives. Their thoughts never betrayed that my family or I were anything other than normal. I think they were just thrilled Bella had thrived so well in her new environment. She tried to keep in touch with her friends from Forks, but with most of them attending colleges on the west coast, it became difficult. Angela Webber was the only person Bella had maintained any kind of regular communication with, including Jacob. Jacob left La Push soon after high school. We would get updates from Charlie that he was living in various places across the southwest doing odd jobs, but not once since leaving Forks had Bella had any contact with him. I had smelled him a few times the first year we lived in New Hampshire, but I never heard his thoughts. I kept my knowledge of his observing us to myself, a decision I did not regret. When I could no longer catch his scent in the surrounding area, I put him out of my mind completely. That part of our lives was over.

Jasper hacked into the video feed of Bella's ceremony, and we gathered around the television to watch. Even though we weren't physically present, I knew Bella was aware of how proud we were of her, of how proud I was of her. She had accomplished wonderful things in her time at Dartmouth. Having her family there to celebrate with her was a fitting end to what would be the culminating event of her her human life. The day ended and bon voyage wishes for Bella and I were given. We were leaving on our "trip" to celebrate her graduation. A trip we would not return from. Bella's goodbye tears for her family were sincere and each one I wiped away from her face felt like drops of acid on my already scared psyche.

**~.:*:.~ **

**June 29, 2009 - Wabush, Newfoundland and Labrador **

Bella's screams had subsided eighteen hours ago. I imagined they stopped when her throat and lung tissue felt like molten lava flowing inside of her. She had continued thrashing around the bed until a few moments ago when she settled into an eerie stillness. I hadn't moved from her side since placing the bites on her body, nor would I until she awakened.

We had planned for Bella's transformation very carefully, as she wanted her first day as a vampire to coincide with our wedding anniversary. She explained that she had committed her soul to me eternally on that day and wanted her eternal body to have the same commemorative date. Jasper worked with me in the days prior on pushing venom without drawing in blood until I felt comfortable with the exchange. Jasper sparred with Emmett and me to remind us of a newborn's strength and agility. That particular activity reminded us of the preparation efforts we undertook to face Victoria's newborn army and of course when we lost Carlisle. Rosalie and Emmett's return to the family was wonderful and truly long overdue. Esme made strides with mending her rift with Rosalie, and the two were spending time together in Esme's new studio space not far from the main house.

The day finally dawned. Bella and I watched the sunrise alone in the wilderness before we made our way back to the house. The rest of us each then hunted until we were beyond full while Alice and Rosalie assisted Bella in preparing her body. We had done everything we could and could wait no longer. It took all of my willpower to not draw any of Bella's blood into my mouth and only push venom into her. Jasper had tried to reduce my agony as I watched her burn, but I refused to have him waste any of his talent on me. His efforts, when he was able to stand the torment, were needed to reduce Bella's pain. I deserved every ounce of suffering and misery during the arduous three-day process of Bella's transformation. I continued to diligently wipe a cold cloth over her sweat covered skin and whisper words of my love and devotion to her. I wanted to take every bit of her excruciating pain for myself, but all I could do was wait. My thoughts even turned to prayer and had I one moment of belief that God would hear my pleas and grant my wife reprieve from the fires of hell raging inside of her, I would have prayed for eternity. I just had to rely on Alice's visions of Bella waking in a few moments and all going well.

My family kept vigil close by, I could hear their thoughts of concern for Bella and me, but until Bella awoke, they knew I preferred the solitude. I stared down at my transformed beauty. The changes in her physically were astounding. I had seen her in Alice's visions, but actually viewing her was breathtaking. The seconds continued to tick away as I held her hand and leaned toward her. I placed a kiss on her lips and listened to the very last beats of her heart. I was left with deafening silence.

"Edward?"

Her voice was distinctly "Bella," yet laced with a musicality that reminded me of a cello, strong and liquid in its sensuality. My eyes flew open to be met with deep ruby ones staring at me where brown used to be.

"Yes, Bella. It's me."

She cocked her head and examined me with a quizzical look.

"You have a scar on your neck I've never seen before."

My hand instinctively raised to a mark Emmett had given me years ago when we had been wresting and he accidentally nicked me.

"I do."

"My throat..." she said, wrapping her hands around it. "It burns terribly."

"Yes, love. That's the thirst. We have something for you," I said, helping her sit up.

Emmett walked into the room with a large canister filled with steaming blood. Bella was on him in an instant. He quickly gave up the container, and she began draining the dark, red fluid.

"More. I need more," she growled ferociously.

Jasper was in the room next, and Bella grabbed the caribou blood from him and again drank. In her newborn haste, she didn't even realize she was pouring more over her chin and neck than actually into her mouth. I grimaced at the sight of my angel covered in scarlet ribbons of gore. My long dead heart shattered at the sight. This bloodthirsty being is what I had made her into. As if she could read my thoughts, her red eyes flicked over to mine.

"I..." She stopped and looked down at herself. Her worried eyes met mine again, and I rushed to her side. I tried in vain to see if I could access her thoughts, but her mind was still as silent to me as ever.

"It's alright, Bella."

"I couldn't even control myself. I...I didn't hurt them did I? I..." She began to move frantically around the room, talking nonsense and gibberish. When she realized she was speaking and moving at vampire speed, she became even more irratic.

"Bella! Stop!" I ordered.

She froze at my words.

"You're safe, Bella. Jasper and Emmett are fine. I know you have a lot of stimuli bombarding you right now but just try to calm down."

I felt Jasper's calming wave saturate the room as I crossed to her side and slowly took her hand. I wiped away the blood splattered hair from her face and led her to the bathroom. I quickly turned on the shower, and Bella recoiled at the sound.

"It's alright, sweetheart. It's just the shower. I'm going to clean you up."

I removed her soiled clothes, gathered her in my arms and stepped under the spray. Feeling Bella's skin was incredible. Touching her before was fantastic, but this was indescribable. My hands flowed over her wet, unblemished skin and try as I might, it was impossible for my lust not to flame.

"You're...you're _warm_," Bella said, bringing her hands up to cup my face. Her penetrating ruby gaze would never be something I would get used to, but I knew that in time I would see glowing topaz in its place.

"We're the same now, love," I answered in explanation.

"Finally." A demure smile broke across her face as she sighed.

She rested her head on my shoulder and let me wash her body clean. I took my time exploring Bella's new body and her reactions to my touch. A touch I no longer had to restrain. I reveled in my ability to truly feel her for the first time, and to be able to display the depth of my love and desire for her without having to think about the possibility of hurting her. I let out a groan of complete satisfaction. The hunger that flashed then in Bella's eyes was not for blood. Her lips were upon me and before I knew it, I was thrown to the floor of the shower where my wife and eternal mate had her delicious way with me.

As midnight struck, I held Bella and wished her a happy anniversary, knowing that we would now have countless anniversaries to celebrate in our future together.

**~.:*:.~**

**a/n: thank you for your reviews and favorites. I truly appreciate them.**


	6. The Future

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Any other copyrighted or trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners, all other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.** **No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

**~.:*:.~  
**

**December 29, 2010**

**Dear Father,  
You were right. Your hypothesis regarding human traits transforming and developing into vampiric talents was correct, as was your assumption that Bella might somehow retain her mind shielding abilities upon her change. Oh, how I wish you could have been here as the days and weeks passed after Bella's awakening. Her mind was still as silent to me as ever, yet it was your thoughts I wished to have access to most of all. Through a random occurrence, we discovered something that you would have found most interesting: Bella could include others inside her shield. I began testing Bella's abilities extensively, until one day Bella had enough and threw me several hundred feet, telling me her days as a science experiment were over. I knew you would have had much more success with her; your "bedside manor" was always above reproach. Mine, obviously, was lacking. That didn't prevent the family from taking full advantage of Bella's talent. Let's just say that games became much more competitive once I, and thus Alice, were unable to tell what was coming. I know you would have enjoyed seeing our frustration immensely. Your knowledge of vampires was certainly missed, but mostly, I would have loved your guidance with Bella as she worked to overcome her aversion to hunting animals and with my fear that her thirst would lead her to kill a human.**

**Bella hungered for blood like every newborn but was initially squeamish about taking down her own live kill. Emmett dubbed it the "Bambi Syndrome." You would have been greatly amused at his diatribe on how Walt Disney had hampered the "vegetarian vampire movement" by giving "simplistic animals long eyelashes and cute voices." He even wore a "Bambi: He's what's for dinner" shirt until Rosalie burned it. I had to resort to thinking back to our hectic first months together as best I could and tried to emulate your actions as her sire. While I took to hunting far easier than Bella, I do remember the ways in which you encouraged me to overcome the beast inside of me, to retain the last vestiges of my humanity. When she finally mastered the skill, I was so proud of her. That feeling of pride evoked more memories of you than I was apparently able to handle. I begged Bella to go away with me for awhile. I knew being alone with a newborn was risky, but I needed the silence of her mind and the touch of her body to get myself past that bout of grief. Having Bella as my mate has completed me in ways I didn't even know I was lacking.  
**  
**When I think about individual moments throughout the years where I craved your counsel, it was a recent event to impact our family that your absence was most keenly felt. While the upheaval it caused in our lives was extreme, there was a development that gave us all hope. A feeling we had all been missing for four years.**

**~.:*:.~**

**August 7, 2010 - Wabush, Newfoundland and Labrador **

_Edward. Knock it the hell off. You are drowning me in your emo waves._

I stopped my pacing and raised my eyes to the ceiling. Jasper was upstairs in his and Alice's room reading, and I was alone on the main floor examining my vast array of feelings for Bella.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. I didn't realize my 'emo' was so present."

_Brother, your emo is rarely _not_ present._

I growled and resisted the urge to go and pummel him.  
_  
That would be preferable, if I'm being completely honest._

I heard him set his book down and begin descending the staircase. "Let me guess," he said, with a dramatic sigh as he reached the bottom. "You're pondering Bella and just how impossible it is for her to actually love you?"

"Why, yes, Dr. Whitlock, I am. Am I that predictable?" I responded, irritated at his glibness.

"Edward, I've never met another creature more resistant to accepting love in my entire one hundred and sixty-seven years. Have a seat," he said, motioning to a large, overstuffed arm chair opposite the one he had just positioned himself in. "The doctor is in."

"Very funny, Jasper," I replied, heading for the door. I knew I had a morose sense about myself when it came to Bella and her ability to care for me, but I wasn't in the mood to be teased about it.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't poke fun, even when you make it so darn easy for me."

_Please, brother. Sit down._

I huffed in response and sat.

"Has the fact that this is the first time Bella has been away from you since her change brought on this particular bout of melancholy?"

Bella had recently completed her first year as a vampire and had gained fantastic control of her blood-lust. As such, Alice thought she deserved a "girls only trip" to celebrate. In truth, Alice was dying to get some real shopping done, and Bella wanted to prove she could be without me for awhile. Montreal had nearby forests, so hunting wouldn't be an issue, but before they left, Emmett joked if they got in a real bind they could always run north and hunt at Zoo Sauvage de Saint-Felicien's wild animal habitat. As repugnant as the idea of hunting at a zoo was, I had to admit it wasn't completely without merit. There were over a thousand animals indigenous to the area located in a contained area. It would make hunting very easy for Bella. Alice promised it wouldn't come to that, and Bella argued that she was more than capable of hunting in the actual wild. They had been gone for five days and were due home this evening. I couldn't wait to welcome my wife home, but Jasper was right. Her absence had given me time to descend into my thoughts.

"Partially. I know I tend to over-analyze things–"

_Just a bit._

"I'm sure I _could_ find a more productive use of my time," I said, rolling my eyes at his mental interruption, "but this is where I am."

"Edward, while love _is_ a complex emotion, the simple fact is: Bella _does_ love you, 'emo waves' and all. Her emotions speak to that clear enough for even someone without my talents, but her actions, Edward, speak louder even than that. While I'm sure you'd love to beat yourself up over what Bella has 'given up' for you, you can't deny that she has made those choices fully aware of their cost and doesn't regret them."

"Rationally I can accept that...to an extent. I just..." I stood up, aggravated and began pacing again. "She's everything I could ever wish for and more, Jasper! I've never been so happy, yet there are times where I feel like I'm failing her. Like I need to strive to provide her with more worldly experiences and push her harder to test the limits of her shield. I don't know how to explain it other than 'parental.' Did you ever feel this sense of _responsibility_ toward one of your newborns?"

"My experiences with newborns were very different than yours have been, Edward. I made fighters, not life partners. The paternal feelings you have for Bella as her sire don't seem to be interfering with your romantic love for her. I understand that you are confused at times but don't over-think this. She's your mate. How she got that way isn't as important as just enjoying that she is, you know?"

"I do." I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "I have so many questions I want to ask, and damn it, I just wish _he_ were here."

_We all do, brother. Everyday._

Jasper sent me a wave of compassion, and I nodded appreciatively.

"Chess? It might _lighten_ the mood," Jasper said with a hit of laughter in his voice, standing and gesturing to the marble table and pieces set up in the corner of the room.

I laughed in return, as both Jasper and I took chess very seriously. We were also both terrible losers. I hoped no pieces were crushed during our "friendly" game but feared we would have some casualties. We settled into our seats around the board and started the game. Play progressed nicely, and I did my best to stay out of Jasper's head for good reason. I took one of his pawns with my bishop and placed him in check. Jasper moved his rook in front of his king and continued to hum the melody of _The Battle Hymn of the Republic_ as obnoxiously as he could in his head. Out of all my family, his ability to cover his thoughts was one of the best. Bella's absence, along with her shield, made it necessary for him to have to do this.

"Are you willing to change to one of your meditations, dear brother?" I asked with a sweetness I did not normally possess.

"Absolutely not, brother mine. Chess is war–this is my war song," he replied, with a devilish glint in his eyes. "I could always add the lyrics."

Bastard.

I really didn't know how much more of this I could take. When my phone rang, I answered, praying Bella wasn't going to be delayed. I might have had to throw the game to get some peace of mind.

"Hello?"

"Edward?"

The masculine voice on the phone had a slight Spanish accent, and I immediately recognized it as my friend Eleazar's.

"Eleazar. It is good to hear from you. How are you?"

"I wish I was calling for pure conversational enjoyment, old friend, but I am in dire need of your help."

I saw Jasper stiffen slightly at Eleazar's words as he could hear them over my phone as well as I could.

"Is everything all right? Please, tell me what I can do," I implored.

Eleazar and the rest of the Denali coven were our closest allies and friends, and I would do anything I could to help them.

"We have had a development here, Edward. Four months ago, Carmen and I were hunting. We separated briefly and Carmen...well, she had an unfortunate run in with a human. He had killed a bear and while skinning it, he slipped and cut himself."

"Carmen killed a human?" I asked incredulously. Out of the few vampires that chose to live as vegetarians, Carmen's control was the closest to Car..._his_.

"No, not in the sense you mean. I interrupted her before she could drain him completely. Edward, he was turned."

Jasper and I were both taken aback by this news.

"Turned? You have a _newborn_ living with you? He wasn't too far gone? Was he her singer? How did you stop her?" My questions came tumbling out. I was incredulous at the thought of Eleazar being able to stop Carmen while she had been feeding from the man.

"I apologize for the interrogation, Eleazar. I'm just shocked to hear this news."

"It is quite all right, Edward. I knew you would have questions. Yes, he survived the transformation. Carmen doesn't believe he was _il suo cantante_. No, she simply waited too long to hunt, and his blood mixed with the bear's was just too much for her to resist... How did I stop her? I have no real idea, to be honest. It was an intense situation, as I'm sure you can imagine. Carmen's shame has been quite severe. Joseph has been unbelievably understanding, but we do have an issue, and it is a bit _delicate_."

"Has he killed someone? Has he drawn attention to you?" I asked with urgency. I knew my barrage of questions was rude, but attention was something we couldn't have and the Denali clan was linked very closely with us due to our choice of sustenance. Anything that could bring the Volturi down on their coven could quickly lead to inquiry about our family, and I couldn't have that. I felt a wave of relaxation wash over me, and I gave Jasper a nod of thanks.

"No, no, nothing like that, my friend. Joseph is a quiet man and has handled himself very well, considering. It's more that he is unable to handle the...ah, _attention_ from the sisters."

The sisters: Tanya, Kate and Irina. The basis for the succubus legend. Jasper let out a small chuckle upon hearing this, and I was hard pressed to hold mine in as well.

_Poor bastard don't stand a chance if one of them girls wants him, 'specially as an unstable newborn. Not everyone is as stubborn as you are, Edward.  
_  
I shot Jasper a withering look, but his thoughts were very close to the ones I had upon hearing Eleazar's words. The sisters could be very _insistent_ about their feelings.

"I understand what he's going through, but how can we be of help?"

"Joseph wishes to maintain his current diet, and if there was anywhere else I could think of to send him, I would, my friend, as I don't wish to burden you with our troubles. Alas, there are no other situations I know of that could help him refrain from drinking human blood. Is it possible, Edward, that he could come live there with you and your family until he is ready to be on his own?"

Jasper and I both reacted to Eleazar's words.

_A male newborn in our home? I don't know, Edward. We just went through Bella's first year..._

I agreed with Jasper, and while Bella's past year hadn't been the worst newborn experience I had ever been a part of, that honor belonged entirely to Emmett, she was plagued with a fair amount of blood lust at the beginning. After her almost-slip early on, she had dedicated herself to overcoming her thirst, and I was proud to say my wife had done an excellent job.

"Eleazar...I..."

"Edward, he's a decent being. Carmen is devastated that she has done this to him and has even contemplated us leaving the sisters to take him away, but he won't hear of us leaving our home for him. He says he'll try living on his own first. We both know that situation isn't the best solution for any of us."

I let out a frustrated sigh as I did know firsthand how being alone and existing solely on animals was hard to do. For a newborn that would be impossible. I could only imagine what Carmen was going through, and Eleazar was right, there was no way they could release a newborn on his own. The kind of attention that could draw would potentially be dangerous to all of us.

"Edward, I know it is a lot to ask of you and your family. I wouldn't impose on you if it wasn't absolutely necessary. I hope you understand that."

"I know, Eleazar. I do. I will speak to my family and let you know."

"That is all I can ask. Thank you, my friend. I'll wait to hear from you."

I ended my call, and Jasper and I exchanged knowing glances. A male newborn. Not the most pleasant of situations.

"You sure about this, Edward? A newborn we know nothing about. A male at that. Bella was not typical and–"

"They are our friends," I cut him off. "You know that's what–" I heard my voice catch and cleared the non-existent blockage from my throat and continued. "We should at least discuss it with the family."

I looked into my brother's bright golden eyes. I knew he could feel all of my conflicting emotions at the moment. I implored him to understand my position.

_You're right, Edward. Of course. With the family._

**~.:*:.~**

Jasper and I didn't speak anymore about Eleazar's call. I excused myself and spent my time waiting for Bella and Alice to return home pacing in the quarters Bella and I shared. I bent down on occasion to pick up items of clothing or a book I had discarded on the floor during Bella's time in Montreal. I could have easily had the room picked up in seconds, but taking my time and being deliberate gave me time to not think about the discussion I was going to have with the rest of my family soon. After a half an hour at most I was no longer able to concentrate on anything but, so I thought letting Rosalie and Emmett know would be a good first step down the path my mind refused to stray from. I took my phone out of my pocket and dialed Emmett. I knew this was a pussy move, but there would be plenty of time for Rose to yell at me in person. I'm sure she'd be just as pissed that I ended her romantic get-away early as much as the prospect of having a new vampire join our family.

"Dude, 'sup?"

"Hello, Emmett. Would you and Rosalie be able to cut things short and return home tonight?"

"Yeah, man, probably. Why, what's going on?" Concern laced his voice.

"I received a call from Eleazar. We have things to discuss as a family."

"Is it the Volturi? We can be there in an hour if we run–"

"No, no. Nothing like that," I said, cutting him off. "The Denali coven needs our help. I will explain once everyone is here, but I think discussing this as soon as possible would be best."

"Rosie will be pissed, but I'm sure you know that and that's why you called me, am I right?" He chuckled.

No one should be fooled by Emmett's goofball demeanor. He's wicked intelligent. I contemplated how best to respond when he did the talking for me.

"Your silence is all the answer I need, bro. Don't worry, I'll get Rosie to her happy place and break the news to her."

"Thank you, Emmett. I appreciate that."

"No thanks from you are needed. Getting Rosie _to_ her happy place is all the thanks I need."

I rolled my eyes at him but couldn't refrain from snorting in appreciation of his dogged, self-serving nature.

After hanging up I knew I should inform Esme, so I headed toward her studio. I walked at a slow, human pace. Another pussy move.

I knew Esme could hear me approaching as my feet shuffled through the short grass that carpeted the land between the house and her art studio. I still knocked on the door and waited for her to bid me entrance before going in. My relationship with Esme had remained as strong as it had always been, but over the course of the last four years, I have wondered if there was more I could be doing for her.

_Come in, Edward._

"Hello, Esme," I said, as I closed the glass door behind me. I turned and looked at the giant canvas that filled the room. I was taken aback by the life-sized view of what had been our back yard in Forks. Esme had captured every detail of a summer's day. She saw me take in the painting and filled in the memory for me. She had just finished weeding her flower beds when Carlisle came out and wrapped her in a hug. That was all. I realized to her, that memory was everything.

"It's beautiful, Esme."

I hoped she knew I meant the painting and the memory.

_Thank you. How are you?_

Esme had taken to speaking to me mostly in thoughts. It was the rare occasion that I heard her voice. At times I caught it when she would be speaking to one of the girls. I would stop whatever it was I was doing and listen to her, yet somehow I never felt right in asking her to speak aloud to me.

"I'm fine, but I need to let you know that Eleazar called."

_He did?_

I had wondered if she might have overheard my call as her studio was close enough to the house, but her thoughts didn't reveal any knowledge, and I was sure she had been lost in her distant summer memory.

"Yes. We will all need to meet and discuss what he told me, so I called Emmett. He and Rosalie will cutting their vacation short and be home by this evening and Bella and Alice then as well. Are you amenable to this?"

_Of course, if you feel I'm needed, I'll be there._

I walked up to her and embraced her.

"You are always needed, Esme. Always."

She brought her hands up, and I felt a slight pressure on my back. We released each other, and I placed a small kiss on her head.

"I'll let you get back to your work. It is truly breathtaking."

_Thank you, Edward._

I knew she meant that for more than just complimenting the painting. I waved farewell and opened the door to leave.

I heard Esme gasp and turned back to face her.

_Oh, Edward, I'm sorry. I got paint on your shirt when I hugged you._

I laughed. "Well worth the price."

A small smile broke across her face. Well worth the price for such a rare sight, indeed.

**~.:*:.~ **

After a few hours of reading, I heard the tires of Alice's car crunch on the gravel at the top of the drive.  
_  
Don't worry, Edward. I haven't said anything to Bella about the call, and Emmett and Rosalie will be home in forty-five minutes._

"Thank you, Alice."

Before she could reply the front door flew open, and Bella barreled into me, knocking me flat on my back. I heard a few floor boards crack upon my landing.

"Oops." She grinned and began smothering my face with kisses.

"Miss me?" I mumbled between pecks.

"Immensely," she answered while continuing to rain affection down on me.

"Oh my god, take it to your room, please," Alice teased as she leaped into Jasper's awaiting arms. The two then vanished.

"What a good idea," Bella smiled wickedly as she grabbed my hand, and we whisked away to our bedroom.

**~.:*:.~**

Forty-four minutes later, I placed a kiss on Bella's shoulder and rolled off of her, just as Emmett's voice boomed throughout the house announcing their arrival.

"Time to get dressed, love," I told Bella as she ran her hands through her thoroughly mussed hair.

"Do we all get out find out what is going on now?" she asked, arching her brow at me.

I looked at her quizzically.

"I know Alice saw something on our drive home, but she wouldn't say what it was. You called Emmett and Rosalie home early for something very important to risk her wrath."

"Always so smart, aren't you, Bella Cullen?"

"Yes, always," she said, smiling deviously at me.

"Smart ass. Get dressed. We do have something we all need to discuss as a family."

Bella dressed at vampire speed, and we went downstairs to be met by a very pissed off Rosalie. Jasper was sitting in a chair with a practically vibrating Alice on his lap, and Esme had come in from her studio. She was standing by the windows staring out into the dark. Emmett had collapsed on the couch and had his feet up on the coffee table. He was lucky Esme was lost in her thoughts.

"This better be good, Edward," Rosalie hissed.

"I promise it is important, Rosalie. I wouldn't have bothered you and Emmett if it wasn't. Thank you for coming home."

"Fine, get on with it then," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand as she turned and joined Emmett on the couch..  
_  
Ignore her, Edward. You know she just likes to be a pain. Go on, tell them!_

"Alright, before Alice bounces out of the room, I'll explain what happened earlier today. I received a phone call from Eleazar."

I went on to tell everyone the story Eleazar had shared with me and upon ending my explanation asked, "So, should we welcome Joseph into our home?"

"Of course we should. We can help him," Bella said matter-of-factly.

"We're not a vampire half-way house, Bella," Rose sniped.

"I know, but if he doesn't want to eat humans and won't stay in Denali, what can we do?"

"I don't think it's our problem. Weren't we going to be discussing our next steps soon now that you can go in public without leaving a trail of massacred humans in your wake?"

Bella turned away from Rosalie disgusted.

Emmett jumped into the fray next.

"I don't know, Rose. Things are mellowing out now, and Eleazar wouldn't have asked if they weren't really in a bind." He let out a small chuckle. "To be honest, I'd like to meet the only other a single dude besides Edward to turn down the 'sex sisters.'"

Rosalie huffed in irritation.

"I won't tell them yes unless we are _all_ agreed," I stated. "It's only fair."

Since Rosalie and Emmett's return, I had tried very hard to make decisions as much of a democratic process as possible. While it was natural for covens to have an identified leader, and all thoughts and actions signified that I had filled that role since Carlisle's demise, I did try my best to keep the tradition of our "family discussions" alive.

"I say no then," Rosalie declared. "It's too risky."

"Rosalie is right. A newborn male is an unknown quantity," Jasper said, earning a look of rebuke from Alice.

I turned to Alice for any insight she could offer.

"I can't see anything. There is too much indecision on all sides. I'm sorry."

"It's alright, Alice–"

"It's what Carlisle would have done."

We all felt silent at those words and turned in shock to look at who spoke them.

Esme still stood at the windows looking out into the night. She turned slowly and looked at each of us in turn.

"They are our friends. If this Joseph needs help, Carlisle would have welcomed him into our home. If it makes life easier on the Denali clan, I feel we owe it to them to try, we owe them at least that much. I vote yes."

Surprised thoughts bombarded me from all directions. We had not heard Esme say Carlisle's name, nor had we said it in front of her, since we first lost him. In fact, his name hadn't been mentioned in a very long time by any of us. Hearing Esme say it, not once, but twice had thrown all of us.

"Uh..." That was the only sound I was capable of making at that moment. Luckily Bella stepped in and managed coherent sentences.

"I think Esme is right. _Carlisle_," she said hesitantly, "would offer assistance. My vote is also yes."

"I'm a yes, and so is Jasper," Alice blurted out next. Jasper looked at her confused.

"I saw it, honey. It just saves time for me to answer for you, you know that." She smiled and kissed him. He rolled his eyes and then nodded in agreement.

I held back a snort.

_Suck it, Edward. You know you're just as whipped._

He was right. I was, but I wanted to wait until Emmett and Rosalie had voiced their opinions after Esme's declaration.

"Well, you know I'm down," Emmet said. "Rosie, you sure?"

Rosalie stood staring at Esme. Her thoughts were flashing by at an alarming rate and very jumbled. I concentrated on trying to decipher them when suddenly they were cut off from me. Bella had placed her shield around Rosalie. Even though Rose had been a bitch to Bella, my wife still protected her. I blew her a kiss which she caught and placed over her still heart.

"Fine," Rosalie answered, "but don't expect me to play vampire teacher."

I knew this was as good as we would get out of her so I didn't push it.

"So then we are decided." I stated.

I was met with nods of agreement. I took out my phone and called Eleazar.

"Hello, Edward."

"Hello, Eleazar. We can be there tomorrow."

"Excellent, my friend. We thank you."

**~.:*:.~**

Jasper set the plane down in a clearing several hundred yards away from the Denali coven's home. We had left Wabush just before dawn and flown across the northern territories of Canada and into Alaska, with Emmett joining us on our sojourn. He was excited to watch the potential "fireworks" of me being in the same room as Tanya. Alice had a silly grin on her face as we left, but Bella had placed her shield around her so I couldn't see what she her vision. Those two really took ridiculous joy at my expense at times.

We quickly exited the plane and sped toward the house where we were greeted by Eleazar.

"Welcome, gentlemen. It's been too long. Come in," he said, moving aside so Jasper and Emmett could enter the doorway. I hadn't been back to Denali since that fateful January when I fled Forks upon meeting Bella. So many things had changed in my life since then, I didn't feel completely like that angry, confused monster that arrived on their door all those years ago.

I stopped in front of Eleazar and shook his hand in greeting.

"Thank you for coming, Edward. Joseph and Carmen are waiting inside. Tanya, Kate and Irina have said their goodbyes already and have left on a small trip."

"So they are not here then?" I hoped the relief wasn't as obvious in my voice as it sounded. I hadn't been able to hear any of their thoughts but had assumed they were off hunting. The fact that they were gone was a happy surprise and is what I'm sure Alice was hiding from me. The little shit liked to make me suffer. I'd have to return the favor soon. I knew Emmett would be disappointed they weren't here, but that was of little consequence to me.

"No, my friend. We all though it best that they took their leave before you arrived."

A thought entered his mind of Tanya storming around throwing clothes into bags as she muttered about self-righteous, sanctimonious bastards. It looked like I did have something in common with Joseph after all.

"Yes," I answered. "I see how that could have been uncomfortable."

Eleazar laughed. "Forgive her, Edward. At her age it's hard to change her ways." He winked at me, and I let out a laugh. He was lucky Tanya wasn't within hearing range as I'm sure he'd be reattaching limbs after that remark.

"Let's go introduce you to Joseph. I know he's nervous."

I nodded and followed Eleazar inside to meet this newborn vampire that would be the catalyst of so much change in all our lives.

**~.:*:.~**

**a/n: Thank you for your reviews and favorites. I am also thankful and flattered that **_**The Great Unknown**_** was featured on **_**The Fictionators.**_** Link on my profile if you'd like to read the kind words that were written.**


	7. Reality

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Any other copyrighted or trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners, all other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.** **No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

**~.:*:.~  
**

**December 30, 2010**

**Dear Father,**

**It's been almost five months since we returned from Alaska. Five months in which our new guest has made himself quite at home. Joseph is **_**unique**_**, to say the least. I should say "Joe," as that is how he'd prefer we address him. I've never met a being who's words so closely matched their thoughts. Emmett comes closest, but even he filters for content. I assume Rosalie slapping the back of his head for seventy years has taught him something about restraint, but Joe just says what he thinks. He's not malicious, he's not boastful, he doesn't seek attention, he just **_**is**_**, and that frustrates me to no end. I wish I could say I have been welcoming and warm, but I have not. I know you would be ashamed of my behavior, when I allow myself, I am as well.**

**When I first saw Joe in the Denali clan's living room, I was surprised at how normal he looked. A slight man stood in the far corner of the room. He was of average height and average build, nothing particularly special about him at all save a thick shock of dark gray hair hanging across his scarlet eyes, well that and his age. Joe had just turned fifty before leaving for his Alaskan hunting trip. The trip had been his birthday gift to himself. He had shot his bear and then lost his life, yet he didn't seem to be angry at Carmen in the least. It was obvious that Carmen and Eleazar cared deeply for him, and he them, even after all he had been through. His goodbyes to them were short yet, as Jasper shared with me later, heartfelt and sincere. Their thoughts of his departure were filled with sadness, yet hopeful that his time with us would provide him with the guidance he needed to choose our lifestyle permanently. Emmett managed to coax a bit of Joe's life story and his thoughts on being turned into a vampire out of him as we flew back across Canadian airspace toward home. While he might not have planned to be a vampire, he seemed to be resigned to what happened and left what sounded to be a very solitary human life behind him.**

**Much to my surprise, everyone in the family took to him quickly. His easy demeanor made everyone comfortable with him, and it seemed like he had something in common with each of them all. His past military service gave him and Jasper endless topics of discussion, and his love of big game hunting thrilled and entertained Emmett to no end. Rosalie was won over by his initial tolerance of her space. He didn't pursue getting to know her, so that, in turn, intrigued her. Once she found out he enjoyed working on cars and that he respected her knowledge of combustion engines, they were thick as thieves. And wouldn't you know it, Joe was rather well read, so he and Bella talked ad nauseum about literature. He was just plain taken with Alice and let her talk without interruption about all of the varied thoughts that flitted through her mind. He would also spend time watching Esme paint, never saying a word to her, just watching. The only thoughts I could read while he was with her was how her sadness hurt him, and yes, that angered me.**

**Carlisle, I wish I could say I have behaved with decorum and in a friendly manner, but his presence, as unassuming as it is, just **_**galls**_** me. I can barely stand to be in a room with him, let alone pursue any kind of relationship. Bella tries to start conversations between us, she will point out similar interests or share stories of our life with him, yet I'm unable to participate in any manner that doesn't paint me the jackass. I'm **_**not**_** jealous of Bella's relationship with Joe, as some like to insinuate. It was no real surprise to me that Bella bonded especially well with him, the two of them having been turned so closely to each other, the loss of their human lives so fresh in their minds, as well as he being some sort of substitute father figure for Charlie. It was Esme's reaction to him though, that made me question mine to him the most. I'm still not comfortable with it, and I know have no right to feel this way. At least that is what I tell myself. I do feel safe writing this to you because you, out of everyone, knows best what a highly selfish creature I am. I never in my existence thought I would write these words, but I feel like Jessica Stanley from Forks did when Bella arrived. Everyone is enamored with the shiny, new toy. Everyone but me it—  
**

**~.:*:.~ **

**December 30, 2010 - Wabush, Newfoundland and Labrador**

Bella's laughter rang through the house with Esme's providing a gentle harmony which made me look up from my writing. Joe had just told another story about his life, and as most of his stories went, he was made to look foolish. Joe's self-deprecating humor was just one of the things about him that caused me irritation. I wished his thoughts would betray it as some sort of act, but I had yet to hear one thing to contradict how he viewed himself. Joe truly believed his role was to make others feel better about themselves. He was just too "good" for my liking.

I closed my journal and glanced over to where they were sitting and must have had what Alice refers to as my "bitch face" on, as several of my family members reacted to me.  
_  
Dude, don't be a dick._

_You're lucky vampires can't turn green, Edward._

_You just can't stand that she pays attention to him, can you?_

I looked scathingly at all of them and responded by returning to entry to Carlisle.

Rosalie laughed and left the room with Emmett in tow.

_You're not fooling anyone, Edward. You need to deal with your feelings, not ignore them._

I glanced over at Jasper and very rudely indicated he should mind his own business. Alice, nestled comfortably on his lap, let out a laugh, as she loved when I acted less than polite.

Bella surprised me by suddenly snatching my journal from my grasp and plastering kisses along my jaw.

"Esme, Joe, and I are going hunting. Care to join us?" she whispered in my ear. She then peppered small kisses along the shell of it. Bella did not play fair.

I turned to look at her and reached up to smooth back the tangle of curls from her face. "Thank you, love, but no. I'm not hungry."

"Edward..." Bella pleading tone cut me, but in my current state of irritation, it was best that I not go. I wasn't needed to help control Joe, he was doing quite well with our choice of diet. As he said upon first arriving here, he had hunted and eaten animals his entire life; our method of hunting just simplified the process.

"It's fine, Bella. You go with Esme and Joe. I'll be here when you get back."

I leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. Her golden eyes bore into mine, and I knew even without being able to read her thoughts she knew I was full of shit. I was anything but fine; I was agitated and restless but going into the forest and allowing my innate nature out wouldn't help those feelings abate. I feared they would only exacerbate them, and I didn't want to cause a scene. This was my issue to deal with on my own.

"I'll see you when we get back then," she said, forcing a smile.

I watched as the trio departed for their hunt and returned to reading over my last entry. Jasper and Alice were relaxing in their chair, and we enjoyed a quiet thirty seconds until Rose and Emmett came back into the room. Emmett was the first to speak.

"So, Rosie and I would like to talk to everyone."

I tried to access their thoughts, but they were masking them with amorous moments they had shared. They knew there truly was no quicker way to get me out of their heads.

"Sounds and feels serious, Emmett," Jasper replied.

"Well, we were wondering what everyone was thinking about our next move, and we'd like to throw out the Prohova region of Romania."

"Oh, Romania! We haven't lived there yet!" Alice exclaimed.

"It's got great hunting and plenty of gloomy forest. We—"

"Absolutely not! It's simply too close to the Volturi," I stated definitively. I stood and made to leave the room when Rosalie sped over to me and blocked my way.

"Edward, you can't just dismiss the idea. It has merit," Rosalie argued.

"Of course I can; it's out of the question. I won't deliver us right into the Volturi's waiting arms, Rosalie!"

"Why would they even care anymore? We did what they wanted, Bella is a vampire, and we haven't heard from them since Forks."

"_Why?_ Rosalie, you cannot be seriously asking that? I think they might find Bella's shielding ability of great interest, and you know they covet Alice and I. The answer is **no**."

"I thought we were doing things a bit more democratically these days, _Edward_," she growled, leaning into me.

"Don't push me on this, _Rosalie_," I answered, pressing back into her.

"Everybody calm down," Jasper said as he sent a wave of relaxation throughout the room. Rosalie glared at me, and I glared right back.

"Okay, okay...maybe Romania isn't the _ideal _place, but we need to figure something out soon, yeah?" Emmett acquiesced.

"I've been thinking on this as well," Jasper added, "and the fact that we have Joe opens up a lot of things. He gives our charade some legitimacy due to his age. I was thinking maybe closer to Montreal, high school for some of us, college for others, and see if we could last down there awhile."

"As the _youngest_," I growled, "I can safely say high school is no longer an option, Joe's appearance or no."

"I'm with Edward, I'm happy to never have to suffer through high school again," Rosalie voiced begrudgingly.

"Edward, you have to see the possibilities his appearance allows for. He's of an age where he'd be able to spend easily a decade somewhere without drawing any suspicion," Jasper said with a tone of incredulity.

"What about the rest of us? What about the fact that _we_ can't spend a decade somewhere."

"You know if we start out young enough and with the right clothing and props we could probably manage it," Alice added to her husband's argument. "It was always Carlisle's age that brought things into question."

"I'm not exactly sure I even want to pass for human anymore," I blurted out.

Four sets of eyes looked at me with a mixture of thoughts and emotions. There were several gaping jaws. I had no desire to get into _that_ discussion with everyone at the moment though.

"I'm simply saying it's too much of a risk right now. Bella's and my death made news—

"You know how sorry I am about that, Edward."

"Alice, you couldn't have known that would happen until after we had 'died.' You know neither Bella and I blame you in any way, but with technology and the Internet, I still feel we have to wait several decades before we settle anywhere significantly populated and interact on a daily basis with the humans."

"_Decades_? What do you suggest in the mean time then?" Jasper demanded.

"What we are doing now, living here, or some other remote location—_not_ in Europe—pursuing our interests, traveling when we choose to."

"I don't know, Edward. I'm afraid if we remove ourselves too much from human interaction we will lose what Carlisle wanted for us. I, for one, would really like to resume my work. With Joe being able to pose as the family patriarch we—"

Jasper flew back from where he was standing as if my emotional reaction to his words had been a physical release. He doubled over and clutched at his body. Alice was quickly by his side.

"Never! Never, do you hear me? I will _never_ say anyone other than Carlisle Cullen was my father," I roared.

Emmett picked me up and ran me out of the house before I could say anything further. We ran for several minutes before he threw me down.

"Dude! What the fuck was that?"

"Don't start with me, Emmett," I answered, jumping up and dusting the debris off my clothes.

"You just laid Jasper out over something pretty stupid, bro."

"Stupid? Are you kidding me with this? Jasper wants us to pretend that Joe is our _father_?"

"So what? Who cares what people believe he is?"

"So _what_? Who _cares_?" I was dumbfounded. "I care, Emmett! I would have assumed you would as well. Carlisle _was_ your father too," I said, my tone of accusation was scathing.

Emmett sped to where I was standing and then pressed me against a tree across the clearing.

"No one has forgotten about their love for Carlisle or all he did for us, Edward, and you should be careful insinuating we have," he growled through gritted teeth.

I stared into my brother's angry face and knew I had crossed a line, but I refused to back down.

"I will never, _never_, say Joe is my father. Do you understand me?" I hissed.

"You don't have to, Edward," he replied, releasing his hold on me even though his frustration with me remained evident, "but you gotta see that we need to come up with some sort of plan if we all want to stay together."

"Why? Why do we need to? Why is what we have now not good enough for everyone? We're safe, we have plenty of food—"

"We're getting bored, bro. We miss miss being amongst the living."

"It's too soon for Bella and I; how can all of you not understand that?"

"Dude, we all get that going to live in Seattle might not be happening, but there is an entire world out there where your deaths didn't make headlines, and we have Alice to see if something comes up. You can't just hide out up here forever, you gotta get back out there."

"I don't _gotta_ do anything, Emmett, and I especially don't _gotta_ pretend Joe is my father."

Emmett stood and stared at me. His look of disgust bothered me but not enough to get me to relent my position on things.

_Why do you hate him? He's been so good for her, why can't you see that?  
_  
"Why do all of you keep assuming I care about this? I am not jealous of Bella's attention to Joe, Emmett," I scoffed.

"No, not _Bella_, you dick. Esme. He's brought her back to us. She spends more time in the house than her studio since he arrived. She's _laughing_ for Christ's sake. You can't deny his impact on her."

"Esme would have begun coming around given more time. I regret ever allowing him to join us."

"Even you can't possibly be that stupid or selfish, Edward." Emmett's disgust with me was plain to see.

We both turned as we heard Bella, Esme and Joe approach us. I ran my hands angrily through my hair, as I could tell Esme and Bella were both upset by what they had overheard. Before I could speak to them, Joe said he'd like to speak with me alone. Every cell of my being wanted to protest this, but Emmett walked to where Bella and Esme were standing and wrapped his arms around them, escorting them away. Joe and I stood staring at each other for what felt like hours, but was only mere seconds.

_You've hurt them._

"Joe, look. I—"

"I've got some things to say, Edward, if you don't mind," he interrupted.

I exhaled fiercely through my nostrils and nodded my head.

He walked over to a felled tree and sat, motioning for me to join him. I walked over and sat down, but still keeping some space between us. An image of Esme painting a landscape flitted through his thoughts just before he began speaking.

"I wanted to thank you for allowing me to come here, Edward."

I didn't expect him to say that, so I stared at him. I'm sure I appeared to look like an idiot. He continued.

"You didn't have to let me be here, and I just wanted to be sure I told you how much I appreciate it. Your family has been so welcoming, and I hope you will continue to allow me to stay."

The sincerity of his words overwhelmed me. I couldn't begrudge Joe his relationships with my family. I knew the dangers of a solitary existence, and I knew Joe had no desire to be a murderer. Who was I to deny him a place where he could lead a more peaceful life? I knew I had acted poorly where he was concerned. It was time I made amends.

"Joe. I know I haven't been the most gracious where you are concerned. I do apologize for my rude behavior and for what I just said. It was uncalled for."

"Thank you, Edward. It's important that you and I can at least live together, seeing how I have come to care a great deal for Esme. Spending eternity near such a gentle, caring soul is the only way I'd want to continue this life."

Joe mentioning his belief regarding Esme's soul stunned me but not as much as the depths of his feelings for her. His mind began filtering through images of her laughing, a sly smile, her hand holding a brush as it smoothed paint across a canvas. Each and every memory of his was a moment I had never seen, but I was well aware of what emotion they held. I quickly stood and glared down at him.

"No! Esme belongs to Carlisle; he was her husband! She'll always love _him_!"

"I know that, Edward," he said calmly, looking up at me. "I know, because I love my wife and always will. It doesn't matter that she died twenty-five years ago; she was my wife, and she always will be."

Joe began began sharing thoughts of his late wife, Laura. She was young and quite beautiful. The most vivid memory he had was of her running on a beach in a long white gown, waves lapping over her bare feet as she laughed and twirled. It was their wedding day. His next thought showed her in a hospital bed looking nothing like her former self, and then a vision of Esme in her studio painting entered his mind.

"But, that doesn't mean I can't love Esme too."

"_You love her_?" I asked incredulously. "Esme is a vampire. Carlisle was her mate. I don't know if you understand what that means, but she will never love that way again. She _loves_ Carlisle and will continue to do so for eternity. You're not him, and you never will be!"

Joe held my gaze.

_From all I've heard about him, you're not either, and I don't think he'd want you to try to be._

His thought took me aback, but before I could respond, Esme entered the clearing.

"Excuse me, Joe, but I think it's time I had a talk with my son."

Joe nodded at her and rose from the log. He walked by her and brushed his fingers along her shoulder tenderly. I looked over at my mother sheepishly, feeling very much a child having been caught throwing a tantrum, only to be meet with her sympathetic smile.

She held out her hand to me and spoke.

"Come with me, Edward. Let's take a walk, shall we?"

**~.:*:.~**

**A/N: Thank you.**


	8. The Truth

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Any other copyrighted or trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners, all other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.** **No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

**~.:*:.~**

**December 30, 2010**

Esme and I walked a short way before coming to an ice-covered stream. She sat down, removed her shoes, and kicked holes in the ice. She placed her feet in the freezing water.

"Join me?" she asked, adding a silent "please" to her thoughts.

I slipped off my shoes and sat beside her. The water would have been detrimental in minutes to a human, but I could only feel the rush of it over my skin. We sat silently letting cold flow over our feet and allowing me the time I needed to calm down.

"Thank you for indulging me," she said with a smile after almost an hour of us sitting silently had passed._ You're very good at that._

"Anything for you, Esme. You know that," I whispered, not quite able to find my voice yet.

_I'm sorry you're so angry with me._

"I'm not—"

"You are, and you have every right to be."

"I'm not angry with _you_. I'm just...angry at the situation," I muttered. I ran my hands over my face a few times in frustration. "I apologize for my behavior back there; I know it hurt you."

"Oh, Edward, you're always so ready to carry the burden of blame. It's me that owes _you_ the apology."

"Esme—

"No, Edward, this is where you listen to me," she said kindly. "You have always insisted upon seeing yourself as this vile, selfish creature, yet you are so ready to forgive the rest of us for our own self-centered behaviors. Lest you forget, Edward, we're vampires too. We're just as guilty and none more so than me over the last four years."

"You lost your mate, Esme. There is no greater grief for our kind."

Esme looked lovingly upon me. "You are so right about that, Edward, but I was indulgent with my grief. I allowed it to separate me from the rest of you for far too long. I might not be your mother by birth, but each of you _are_ my children, and I failed to be there for you as you dealt with Carlisle's loss yourselves. I can see that now, and I'm truly sorry."

I was grateful for her acknowledgment of our own suffering but still felt like our grief couldn't compare in the slightest to her. I hesitated for a moment but went on to ask the question I was afraid I already knew the answer to.

"Why now?" I whispered.

"It's not what you think, Edward," she said, releasing a heavy sigh as she stood up and slowly paced in front of the stream. She looked back at me before speaking. "You know, I was so sure you'd never find love, that your human emotions hadn't developed enough before your change to allow for such a bond to occur. And then Bella entered your life. I was so scared at first, she presented such a danger to us. I would have done anything to protect you, to keep you with us. That she might be your mate didn't enter my mind until after Alice shared that she had a vision of her as a vampire.

"Edward, it was one of the happiest moments in my existence. To know that you had found your mate, that you would love and be loved. Your father and I were elated. Every single thing we went through to keep you and Bella together was worth it, everything."  
_  
Even losing Carlisle._

I turned to her, shocked beyond belief at her thought.

"Esme, you can't be serious!"

"We all knew the risks to fighting the newborns. Your father understood them most of all, but I know in my heart, in my very soul, Edward, that he would give up his existence a thousand times over if it ensured your happiness."

I began sucking ragged, needless breaths into my lungs. "Stop, please..."

She knelt by my side, placed her hands on either side of my face, and looked deeply into my eyes.  
_  
You are happy, aren't you, Edward?_ Her face pleading for me to answer her affirmatively.

Was I happy? I knew truthfully that I was. My time with Bella after leaving Forks had been beyond any hopes I had ever allowed myself to have. Exploring our love physically, and then learning all over again after her change, had brought me pleasure like I'd never known. Our relationship had deepened exponentially on all levels since she had become a vampire, yet...there was still something that kept at me. I placed my hands over Esme's.

"I am, but..." I let my words drift off, unable to finish.

"I know, sweetheart," she said, removing her hands and standing again. She continued pacing for a few minutes and turned to me.

"Losing your father forever changed me in ways I had no idea were possible. The darkness I felt, not even blood lust compared to its depths. I know his loss changed us all, but he wouldn't want us to stop our lives for him, Edward, and that's what I did. I lost myself."

"And _Joe_ has helped you find yourself again? _Joe_ was able to pull you from this darkness somehow?" I asked, finding it impossible to mask my incredulity. The question of why him and not me went unasked.

"In many ways, yes. Our common grief was initially what drew us together; he was also able to see me as simply 'Esme.' Our lack of a history allowed me to discover who I could be again while getting to know him. Edward, if you are afraid that my love for Carlisle is somehow lessened because of my affection for Joe, you're mistaken. What you said to Joe is true, and he knows this. Carlisle was my mate, and he will be for eternity, but eternity is a very long time to be alone."

She took my silence as my acquiescence for her to continue.

"Joe's _companionship_ has brought me comfort. A comfort none of you could really provide since you were grieving yourselves. He was able to see _me _through all of my grief. He brought me back. I don't know if that makes any sense to you or not."

I boldly intruded upon her thoughts and was confronted with moments of tenderness and friendship. A relationship built on kindnesses given by both Esme and Joe. I grabbed handfuls of my hair between my fingers and roared.

"Edward! We've done nothing wrong!" Esme shouted, crouching down again by my side.

I fell back into the snow and beat at the ground, driving my fists deep in the frozen earth. "I know! I know everything you are saying is true. Trust me, I understand, but it still doesn't help me, Esme. He's gone, and he should be here with me!"

Esme and I both realized my slip of the tongue. I sat up and met her eyes and her thoughts of pity. "I meant you." I sighed. "I meant _us_. Carlisle should be here with us, and he's not."

"There is nothing we can do about that, son, no matter how hard we try to wish it to be."

I watched as her eyes and thoughts pleaded with me to understand.

I knew I was acting like a petulant child. I cursed my seventeen human years. To have existed for over a century yet be bound by my lack of emotional growth in certain areas was debilitating in times like these.

I felt Esme place her hand on the side of my face again as she brought my gaze up to meet hers.

"I love you dearly. You've spent the past few years taking care of all of us, and we didn't do the same for you, save Bella. I hope you forgive us, and I hope you can finally put your grief to rest. It's what your father would want, and to know that your writing to him is helping you in anyway would mean so much to him."

"You know about the journal? What I'm using it for?" I asked, surprised at her knowledge.

"I do. Bella discussed it with Joe and I."

I bristled at her words, but the thoughts she shared after were heartbreaking. Bella had been so worried about me. She thought my aversion to Joe was in direct correlation to my not dealing with losing Carlisle. Esme and Joe provided her with love and supported her idea of giving me the journal as a gift. Once again I'd caused my love pain—

"Stop, Edward."

I turned to see Bella approaching Esme and me at a human pace.

"Please stop punishing yourself for feeling the very things we've all felt," my wife said, speeding up and coming to rest before me.

Esme stood. "I'll leave you two, but, Edward, I want you to know that I'm here now. Please know that you can come to me anytime. I've missed you."

I grabbed her hand before she could move from me and kissed it. "I have too, Esme. I have too."

Esme and Bella hugged briefly as Esme turned to leave. Bella and I were left alone. She sat down beside me and took my hand.

"Hello, darling," she said, leaning in for a kiss.

Our lips met, and I fell back to the ground taking Bella with me.

"I've missed you too, love," I whispered between kisses. Our kissing deepened and after a few minutes, Bella rolled off of me to lay in the snow next to me. We continued to touch each other lovingly until I worked up the courage to speak.

"How is Jasper?"

"He's fine now. I think it was just the initial shock of your anger that effected him so strongly. He wasn't used to you being so _emotional_."

I was instantly filled with shame at my reaction to Jasper's suggested living arrangements.

"I can't explain what came over me, Bella. It just struck me so hard."

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I feel so foolish, and I'm angry at myself for not realizing how severe this was," Bella said, raising up on one elbow.  
"Even Jasper mentioned that the most he ever felt from you was mild annoyance and dislike toward Joe. Do you...do you think you'll be able to live with him now that you know about his and Esme's feelings for each other?"

I shook my head, as I didn't know how to answer her. It felt like my world had just gone through a torrential storm, and I was just now seeing what was left after the downpour.

"We can do whatever you'd like, Edward. While I love our family, you are my main concern. I'd hoped that the journal would help you resolve some of your feelings, but I'm scared that it's only disturbed things more."

Worry filled her amber eyes, and I couldn't let her feel any sorrow over her wonderful gift to me.

"Bella, no. No, not at all," I said, pulling her back into my embrace. "I think the journal was the right decision. I'm finding my messages to Carlisle to be very helpful. As far as Joe and Esme, it's all so new, I don't really know. Please don't be angry at yourself. I did all I could to hide my feelings, as I knew they were juvenile."

"You know, he's really very nice," she said, running her fingers slowly over the hollow of my throat. I could tell she was hesitant to say those words.

"I...I know he is. I'm sure my reaction to him is just a manifestation of my grief over the loss of Carlisle."

Bella's gentle laughter rang through the forest.

"Oh, nice psychobabble, Cullen! And, I figured that was the case, but sometimes it's better to let you discover things about yourself for yourself. I find you're more..._receptive_ to that." She smiled her beguiling smirk at me.

"Who's idea was it for you to go to college anyway?" I asked, laughing as I picked up a handful of snow, rubbing it in her face. She squealed in response. We wrestled around in the show like children and enjoyed making each other laugh. Being able to interact with Bella and not having to hold back in anyway had been a wonderful gift, even if it was such a high price for her to have paid.

As that thought passed through my mind, Bella caught my slight change of expression.

"What is it, Edward? And don't say 'nothing.'"

I knew from past conversations that Bella didn't believe the same as I did regarding her change, but I knew she'd never let it rest.

"Both Esme and Joe mentioned their souls earlier... and, I was just thinking about how much I love not having to restrain myself with you, even if it cost you yours."

I watched as her body sagged in response.

"Oh, Edward. Please don't do this to yourself anymore. I know we don't agree and that you're coming from a place in time when religion was very controlling and the damnation of your soul a huge behavior modifier, but you've experienced so much since then. How could someone without a soul paint the way Esme does? It's not simply physical talent, and for that matter, how could she have grieved so deeply for Carlisle's loss? That goes for all of us. I mean, seriously, just think about Alice. She's just so filled with happiness and light. Do you really see her as soulless? And the way you play, the songs you've written, and how Jasper cares so deeply about his work for veterans. Is that not enough proof? I know that you love me with all of your heart and, yes, all of your soul. The way you make me feel is so beautiful, Edward. I believe in your soul; don't you believe in mine?"

"Bella..." I sighed.

"Wait a second," she said raising up from me. I watched as she narrowed her eyes at me. "Is _this_ why you've resisted dealing with losing Carlisle? It is, isn't it? You're worried about what happened to him after, and if he had no soul...then he must have gone to hell," she said slowly, connecting the dots in her head.

"Am I right? Oh, Edward." She sighed and ran her hand down the side of my face. "Babe... Carlisle was the best of us. I have no doubt that his spirit, _his very soul_, ended up somewhere just as good as he was. Can you believe in that?"

"Bella, we are damned to this existence. I just can't overcome that."

"_Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given._ Didn't you tell me Carlisle said those very words? While some of us choose to be damned, others of us choose to be better. How is that any different than humans? Humans do evil things—"

"At the cost of their soul, Bella, evil things just like I've done."

"And based on your beliefs they can be forgiven upon repentance. Haven't you yourself repented? So don't you deserve forgiveness, salvation, because of that?"

"I'm dead, Bella. I've lost any chance at salvation."

"I'm dead, too. Is my soul lost as well?"

I couldn't meet her eyes as I know my belief on that subject would hurt her.

"Edward, how can you be so sure? How can any of us really know? I can't believe I've saying this, but, we just have to have faith."

An intense look overtook Bella's face. I could tell she was concentrating very hard on something, and then a sound I had never heard and never dared believe I would rang through my mind: Bella's thoughts.

_Have faith, Edward._

I stared at my very reason for existing, jaw agape.

"Oh, Bella! How?" My astonishment was indescribable.

If it had been possible, I know she would have been covered in a blazing red blush from head to toe, the telltale worrying of her lip giving her nervousness away.

"I didn't know if it would work. I thought it might, and I just had to have faith that it would." She raised her beautiful, liquid gold eyes to mine.

"I'm so glad you did," I said, emotion choking my words.

"Will you give what I said some thought?"

I thought of all we had been through, all we had overcome, and all we would face.

"I'll try, love. I'll try..."

I let my voice trail off as Bella pulled me into her arms and brought her lips to mine. I let myself take solace in my wife's body. The feel of her surrounding me brought a comfort to me like nothing else in the universe could. Her soothing ministrations soon delivered us to a mutual and powerful release. We remained laying there in the snow as the moon rose and then set, giving way to the weak rays of the winter sun. The final day of the year was now upon us. The future was out there waiting for us, and I had to decide how I wanted meet it.

**~.:*:.~  
**

**A/N: Thank you. Only one more left. **


	9. The End

**Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Stephenie Meyer. Any other copyrighted or trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owners, all other content belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.**

~.:*:.~

_Dear Carlisle, _

_The first day of two thousand eleven has come and gone. I've spent most of it alone with my thoughts, going over the last few months, and the last few days, in particular. I've come to a simple understanding: I've hated you for being so careless. How could you let yourself be taken from us like that? Protecting that silly newborn instead of your own family? I've wanted to crush every item in this room in disgust several times over at your arrogance and irresponsibility that day in the clearing._

_It feels so freeing to write those words, even more so to actually let myself feel them, but as I _am_ me, I also feel guilty for it, so I'm doing the only thing I can: I'm forgiving you, Carlisle. How can I possibly move forward hating you when I know you only did what you thought best? That defined you, didn't it? You always did what you thought _best_. Even your few random acts of selfishness gave you, and me, the love of an eternal family. Your decision in nineteen eighteen gave me the chance for life with Bella so many years later. The years I suffered alone in misery were wiped away once I was able to truly call Bella mine for the rest of time. You gave that precious gift to me. I would never have loved like this had it not been for you and I know I will never be able to repay you._

_I have not allowed myself to truly grieve your loss, to truly let you go for many reasons. I believe the most pressing reason of all was that I could not bear to think of your soul writhing in eternal damnation, but what if... what if I was wrong? What if when we are changed, we do not lose our souls, that they continue to be bound to us while we are on this plane of existence? What if our acts as vampires do have some effect on the state of our souls when we no longer? What if you were right all along? If one _chooses_ to believe this, then there is no doubt that you are not in agony, Father. No, you are most certainly in a realm beyond the reach of Hell's fires. That's what I'm doing; I'm choosing to have faith. To believe._

_You will never truly be gone from our lives, but I know it is time. Time to let you rest. Rest in Peace, Father._

_Your son,_

_Edward  
_  
I capped my pen and closed the journal, placing it in the top drawer of my desk. I rose from my chair and walked from the room. I heard my family in the living room playing RISK and smiled at the thoughts of treachery and deception that were flying about. Cheaters, the lot of them. Maybe the Volturi did have something to worry about if we Cullens set our minds on world domination.

_Please come down and play with us, Sweetheart._

Hearing Bella's thoughts, those she choose to share with me at least, were the most glorious things I'd ever heard. Each one would be treasured.

"I will soon; I just need to do one more thing," I said to her.

_Take your time. I love you._

Hearing those words would never grow old.

"I love you. So much."

"Aww, I love you too, Eddiekins," Emmett said in a high-pitched voice. A resounding smack and shout of pain came soon after.

"Nice one, Bella," Rose said while raising her hand for a high-five from my wife.

The more things changed, the more they stayed the same. I shook my head and walked down the hall to where Carlisle's ashes rested below his father's cross, and as I did, a snowy owl flew past and landed on a branch just outside the giant window where the wood was mounted. I was met with the brilliant, golden yellow of the owl's eyes. It watched me for a few minutes and then blinked. It turned its head away, spread its wings and soared into the night. I watched it fly away for as long as I could. I looked back, and I couldn't help but smile. I gently touched my fingers to the lid of Carlisle's urn and gazed up at the ancient wooden cross, letting my earliest memories after my change wash over me like a flood. I let the love Carlisle showed me during all my failures and triumphs over the years fill me and felt venom coat my eyes.

_Carlisle, I vow to be a better husband, son and brother and to live a life worthy of being your son. I will take the lessons you shared with me and do the best with what I was given. I will honor you._

I leaned down and placed my lips gently on the lid where my fingers had just been resting and said all that was left to say.

"Goodbye."

~.:*:.~

_I know all your life you wondered about that step we all take alone. How far does a spirit travel on a journey?  
You must surely be near heaven and it it thrills me to the bone to know Daddy knows __**the great unknown**__._  
_**-Rick Springfield - April 24, 1981**_

~.:*:.~

**A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing/favoriting. Thank you to wolvesandvamps for being the most patient buyer on the planet. I hope this did your prompt some justice. And to Jess... you're the best. xo.**

**Also, **_**Rick Springfield!**_** Thanks, Algie.**


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